Showing posts with label sandman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sandman. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Friday, October 1, 2010
Grandma's Boy; A Hardcore Review
So, I had to do something heavily weed related for the April 20 (4/20) "Hardcore Review." And here it is, Grandma's Boy is a flick I have seen more than half a dozen times in the span of the last year and a half. And it is just as funny as the first time. Guy gets booted from his apartment, because his roommate takes the rent money and spends it on "massage therapy." Or as Kevin Nash says, "yeah, they'll massage your cock for money." It's hilarity the way I always wanted a slacker film to be. Slacker films took a dive in the mid ninties, but made a comeback with titles like Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and Grandma's Boy. Ever wondered what the day to day life of a video game tester was like? It's pretty extreme, from losing your housing due to your roommates sexual proclivities to telling your coworkers why you are always tired due to the massive orgies you have almost nightly with your three female roommates. To your coworkers finding out you roommate with your grandma and her two elderly friends. And a twenty something virgin getting it on with one of said roommates, to a very quirky asshole who designs the games you test talking like a robot and thinking he's part of "The Matrix." This movie has everything you need in a qualit slacker flick, including plenty of sexual innuendo and almost an hour and half of weed smoking.
From thievery to lunchtime video game challenges to a guy jerking off without locking the bathroom door (not a pretty picture) with insanely hilarious results, Grandma's Boy is your cure to a boring night at home. It's probably even funnier when your stoned.
In terms of grading this fil m in my own unique way, I give this flick a high grade in Sandman versus Sabu at Houseparty 1998. The original Stairway to Hell match. Sabu breaks his jaw, and Sandman is bloodier than I have ever seen him in a vitory that takes knocking out the Suicidal, Homicidal, Genocidal Maniac with a homerun-like swing with Jim's trusty friend, a singapore cane.
From thievery to lunchtime video game challenges to a guy jerking off without locking the bathroom door (not a pretty picture) with insanely hilarious results, Grandma's Boy is your cure to a boring night at home. It's probably even funnier when your stoned.
In terms of grading this fil m in my own unique way, I give this flick a high grade in Sandman versus Sabu at Houseparty 1998. The original Stairway to Hell match. Sabu breaks his jaw, and Sandman is bloodier than I have ever seen him in a vitory that takes knocking out the Suicidal, Homicidal, Genocidal Maniac with a homerun-like swing with Jim's trusty friend, a singapore cane.
Sopranos Season 3; A Hardcore Review
Holy SHIT! I know I know this series is over and everyone felt like they got kicked in the nuts right after making out with their brother/ sister with the finale. SHUT UP! Cause I ain't seen it yet. And I wanna be surprised that it ends with the screen going blank without any closure. FUCKERS! GAWD!
With that out of the way... Can this series get any better. I mean it was like finishing volume six of the Walking Dead. What the fuck else can possibly happen here. You hate Tony's mom for all of season's one and two and then she just drops dead? I barely got a chance to hate her this season. Then Tony hooks up with the yummy and completely psycho Annabella Sciorra. That whole strip tease with the super tiny skirt thing... I had to change my pants. And his reaction to "who" she is. Fucking amazing. If I can write half that well, I'll be a fucking genius.
This is one of the two greatest series of the past fifteen years. The other being OZ. That's a whole other thing, brotha.
Murder, betrayal, drugs, murder, drugs, murder... And then there's the HUGE letdown. I knew for a long time that the female FBI plant was supposed to be my Hollywood dream woman, Fairuza Balk. I knew that she filmed the part in the last episode. And then she was told they would not bring the character back for season 4. So she made other arrangements. Then they decide to bring the character back, as they should (it's Fairuza Balk for crying out loud) and she's already commited to another project. So they recast the role and then reshoot it. Which I understand, but how can you plant a character, give them five minutes of screen time with a whole plot point resting on their shoulders, and then "decide" not to bring the character back? I mean Fairuza or not, that's just ludicrous.
Oh, all that and Meadow looses her virginity, and Christopher finally gets "made." THAT, my readers, IS how you fucking write, direct, shoot and act out thirteen of the finest episodes known to man.
This IS Raven stealing the Sandman's estranged wife, Laurie and his seven year old son Tyler in the middle of one of the most violent, heated and personal feuds in ECW, FUCK THAT, WRESTLING history. Tyler proclaiming that, "I know" when Raven says his parent's divorce is all Jim's fault, dressed like Raven and then throwing his head back and holding his arms out like a brainwashed little Flock member. Drink the Kool-Aid little Tyler. DRINK IT!
With that out of the way... Can this series get any better. I mean it was like finishing volume six of the Walking Dead. What the fuck else can possibly happen here. You hate Tony's mom for all of season's one and two and then she just drops dead? I barely got a chance to hate her this season. Then Tony hooks up with the yummy and completely psycho Annabella Sciorra. That whole strip tease with the super tiny skirt thing... I had to change my pants. And his reaction to "who" she is. Fucking amazing. If I can write half that well, I'll be a fucking genius.
This is one of the two greatest series of the past fifteen years. The other being OZ. That's a whole other thing, brotha.
Murder, betrayal, drugs, murder, drugs, murder... And then there's the HUGE letdown. I knew for a long time that the female FBI plant was supposed to be my Hollywood dream woman, Fairuza Balk. I knew that she filmed the part in the last episode. And then she was told they would not bring the character back for season 4. So she made other arrangements. Then they decide to bring the character back, as they should (it's Fairuza Balk for crying out loud) and she's already commited to another project. So they recast the role and then reshoot it. Which I understand, but how can you plant a character, give them five minutes of screen time with a whole plot point resting on their shoulders, and then "decide" not to bring the character back? I mean Fairuza or not, that's just ludicrous.
Oh, all that and Meadow looses her virginity, and Christopher finally gets "made." THAT, my readers, IS how you fucking write, direct, shoot and act out thirteen of the finest episodes known to man.
This IS Raven stealing the Sandman's estranged wife, Laurie and his seven year old son Tyler in the middle of one of the most violent, heated and personal feuds in ECW, FUCK THAT, WRESTLING history. Tyler proclaiming that, "I know" when Raven says his parent's divorce is all Jim's fault, dressed like Raven and then throwing his head back and holding his arms out like a brainwashed little Flock member. Drink the Kool-Aid little Tyler. DRINK IT!
Blacula: A Hardcore Review *SPOILERS*
So I watched this atrocity in two parts on Hulu. Man, I understand what Blaxploitation was about. And I know the genre a little. But gimme a break. Did this director even know the meaning of plot or pacing in this movie? Cause it was totally lost on me. I rate it only slightly higher on the list of shitty vampire movies than Twilight, cause well, I was drunk when I watched that abortion.
First thing was Blacula's name, Mamuwalde. I know in the story he was an Sfrican prince, but the fact that he had an American accent is fucked up. And how does a chick call his name in the heat of passion? It's four fucking syllables. That brings me to the bitch he hooks up with, who according to him is his wife reincarnated. They meet under auspicious circumstances, as he mistakes her for his wife, and chases her down the street, and then she even entertains the thought of still talking to him, much less hooking up with him. And then after fucking one time, when Blacula leaves, she says she loves him. There's your strong female character for the day folks.
Then there's the transformation from human to Blacula. Apparently Blaculas grow massive monobrows, sick looking porkchop sideburns and become seriously devolved. The only one that can actually speak or hold a thought, is Blacula himself.
And what the fuck was up with all the cops wearing helmets while riding in their cop cars. It was like watching a shitty version of Benny and Joon.
So the whole thing revolves around Mamuwalde being bitten by Dracula himself. Sealed up in a coffin and purchased along with all the other belongings from Count Dracula's castle in the 1970's. The two interior designers open the casket and get attacked by Blacula. It was kinda funny, cause the two designers get attacked. One gets buried immediately, the other has his body viewed by the family and friends, and a investigative doctor? I honestly don't know how the dead interior designer was linked to the sister of the chick who Blacula thought was his wife, but somehow she was. It could have been explained in the dialog, but it was so vomitously horrendous that I think my brain shielded it from me, in order to keep me able to continue to create stuff on my own. And I'm not saying my stuff is better than this, but yeah, my stuff is better than this. Oh, god it made me want to drink like Old English 800 or King Cobra, it was that fucking terrible. And still it was better than Twilight, cause well, at least Blacula has the decency to die when he went into the sunlight.
The grade for this movie should be as such, and as you know it revolves around wrestling. But do I use a vampire wrestling reference (yes, they have happened. MORE THAN ONCE!) or do I use a seriously racist angle (of which there are way too many to pick from). And I think, no. I'll go with clear crowd reaction failure. It was 1996, just after Kurt Angle had won the gold medal for freestyle wrestling in the heavyweight division. That's not the bad part. The show being filmed in the ECW Arena that night was pretty much a culmination involving the Raven versus Sandman feud that had been going on for the better part of a year by this point. And "without" the knowledge or approval of either Paul Heyman or Tod Gordan, after brainwashing his wife and son and beating him to another bloody pulp, Raven, Stevie Richards, Nova and The Blue Meanine crucified the Sandman. Complete with barbed wire as his proverbial crown of thorns. The crowd just went silent. They became pissed off, and got all moody like the kids who watch Twilight as they battle between armies of Ethan and Jacob, or whoever that fucker is. Kurt Angle lost it and began screaming at Joey Styles, who he was doing play by play commentary with during the show. See, Christians have no fucking sense of humor about their fucking ridiculous faith. I mean c'mon. The story has been told about a million times before. Virgin chick gets knocked up by god, has a child on the 25th of December. Kid grows up and raises the dead and heals the sick. Gets persecuted, tried, and then crucified. Three days later he rises from the dead? Where has this happened before you ask. Try looking up the history of Horus, son of Ra, the Egyptian god of the son. That story predates Christianity by oh 2,000 years! True story...
First thing was Blacula's name, Mamuwalde. I know in the story he was an Sfrican prince, but the fact that he had an American accent is fucked up. And how does a chick call his name in the heat of passion? It's four fucking syllables. That brings me to the bitch he hooks up with, who according to him is his wife reincarnated. They meet under auspicious circumstances, as he mistakes her for his wife, and chases her down the street, and then she even entertains the thought of still talking to him, much less hooking up with him. And then after fucking one time, when Blacula leaves, she says she loves him. There's your strong female character for the day folks.
Then there's the transformation from human to Blacula. Apparently Blaculas grow massive monobrows, sick looking porkchop sideburns and become seriously devolved. The only one that can actually speak or hold a thought, is Blacula himself.
And what the fuck was up with all the cops wearing helmets while riding in their cop cars. It was like watching a shitty version of Benny and Joon.
So the whole thing revolves around Mamuwalde being bitten by Dracula himself. Sealed up in a coffin and purchased along with all the other belongings from Count Dracula's castle in the 1970's. The two interior designers open the casket and get attacked by Blacula. It was kinda funny, cause the two designers get attacked. One gets buried immediately, the other has his body viewed by the family and friends, and a investigative doctor? I honestly don't know how the dead interior designer was linked to the sister of the chick who Blacula thought was his wife, but somehow she was. It could have been explained in the dialog, but it was so vomitously horrendous that I think my brain shielded it from me, in order to keep me able to continue to create stuff on my own. And I'm not saying my stuff is better than this, but yeah, my stuff is better than this. Oh, god it made me want to drink like Old English 800 or King Cobra, it was that fucking terrible. And still it was better than Twilight, cause well, at least Blacula has the decency to die when he went into the sunlight.
The grade for this movie should be as such, and as you know it revolves around wrestling. But do I use a vampire wrestling reference (yes, they have happened. MORE THAN ONCE!) or do I use a seriously racist angle (of which there are way too many to pick from). And I think, no. I'll go with clear crowd reaction failure. It was 1996, just after Kurt Angle had won the gold medal for freestyle wrestling in the heavyweight division. That's not the bad part. The show being filmed in the ECW Arena that night was pretty much a culmination involving the Raven versus Sandman feud that had been going on for the better part of a year by this point. And "without" the knowledge or approval of either Paul Heyman or Tod Gordan, after brainwashing his wife and son and beating him to another bloody pulp, Raven, Stevie Richards, Nova and The Blue Meanine crucified the Sandman. Complete with barbed wire as his proverbial crown of thorns. The crowd just went silent. They became pissed off, and got all moody like the kids who watch Twilight as they battle between armies of Ethan and Jacob, or whoever that fucker is. Kurt Angle lost it and began screaming at Joey Styles, who he was doing play by play commentary with during the show. See, Christians have no fucking sense of humor about their fucking ridiculous faith. I mean c'mon. The story has been told about a million times before. Virgin chick gets knocked up by god, has a child on the 25th of December. Kid grows up and raises the dead and heals the sick. Gets persecuted, tried, and then crucified. Three days later he rises from the dead? Where has this happened before you ask. Try looking up the history of Horus, son of Ra, the Egyptian god of the son. That story predates Christianity by oh 2,000 years! True story...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Twilight: A Hardcore Drunken Review
Let me first reinterate that this is a hardocre drunken review. The editing has been done as seen fit, but is left in tact as much as possible as given the feature being reviewed. I aM still drinking Kiltlifters as I type this with my girlfriend aspeep in the next room. I am leaving things uncorrected as I see fit, as I am drunk while typing thus.
dSo, me and my girfriend/ boothbabe just watched Twilight, or I did, as she fell asleep with fifteen minutes left on the clock. And since thw World Cup is going on, fifteen seconds is a LONG fucking time. First things first, I didn't hate this movie as much as I thought I would or as much as I wanted to, or maybe that was cause I'm drunk. In fact the opeming title thingee is still playing in a loop as I type this. My newly accepted girlfriend is asleep in the next room, but sleepishly demanded tht I write this review. It';s not gonna make a lot of sense since I AM DRUNK, but it should be entertaining none the less.
So I juist picked up my new glasses yesterday after an interview. And I must say my new girlfriend likes them a lot. As do I. They're frameless. Is thar even a word?
So, after convincing me weeks ago that I must be inebriated to watch said movie, I agreed and sat down, although there was a very long break during, because I was warching with my girlfriend, "wink." This movie wasnt the complete, Black Baby Abortion thaT mEGAN fOX HAD THAT i EXPECTED,. If you follow current complete "who gives a shit" celebrity news than you might know what I'm talking about. So this girl moves o Washington state, as if that's ever happened before. And makes quick friends, like tha happens witha pasty white chick and a bunch of minorities, in a state populated by minorities. And she seems to catch the eye of this one really weird guy who cant stand to look at her for more than a few seconds without running out of the classroom like he just jizzed his pants. Anyways, she almost gets hsit bya car and this weird pedophile looking motherfucker saves her foe reaseons explained later in the movie, which is really gay and I'm glad Iam still drunk while writing this. Guy m,eets girl and decides he wants to kill her or suck her blood or fuck her or whatever. I mean this is why this is a hardcore review, right? So he falls in love with this girl who onluy looked good in Adventureland, and decides to not killer, as he's some sort of vegetarian vampire who only eats animals. Um, I know I'm drunk but that;s not a vegetarian. aNYways theres this other guy who shows up without a shirt in the next movie anf is sill underage, but is an Indian, so
i guss that makes it ok that this is a really gay story, and if you fol,low my facebook then you know what I mean by "gay."
Baseball ensues, which is a fucking boring game unless you';re playing it. And then they hunt Bella, which is also gay, unless you've seen Kristen Stewart plau a trashy whore in Adventureland like I have. And trust me yo havent. Cause she was like a thousand time trashier in my mind. Is trashier even a word? I guess it is according to this spellchieck. Keep in mind this is like my tenth Kiltlifter in like three hours.
So she wakes up in a hospital and then goes to prom wher Jacob (the Werewolf) and Edward (team wooden steak) see e ach other and get all wanna bee agro, but the just come off as uber gaylike. Why does Edwards adiptiv father look like muy roommate? Seriously, that shuit is gonna keep me up at nights. Or days as I work nights, but irregardless (whcih is supprisinglya word on this spellcheck.
So this movie gets a grade befitting to its and my current state. Cactus JAck versus The Sandman in ECW. The Sandman was out on his feet during a Texas DEath Match against Cactus Jack. The object of which is to beat ths shit out of your opponent, pin him and them hope he doenst answer the ten count. Early un the match Sandman suffered a concussion and wouldn't stay down. So, Cactus had to continue beating the shit out of him to keep him down for not only three count, but the ten count that followed. I'm drunk so all I remember is Cactus hitting Sandman with a fucking cast iron skillet ND i thing thAt is what gave Sandman the concussion. Mick (Cactus Jack) admits to it in a dvd. The matxch that kept on going was a train wreck. Like seriously. Watch it and you'll see Jim's eyes rolled into tha back of his head and not recogniing where he is. Its craxy. It's on Mick Foley's Greatsest Hits and Misses dvd from the devils in Stamford. I can really reven type.
GO TEAM WOODEN STEAK!
dSo, me and my girfriend/ boothbabe just watched Twilight, or I did, as she fell asleep with fifteen minutes left on the clock. And since thw World Cup is going on, fifteen seconds is a LONG fucking time. First things first, I didn't hate this movie as much as I thought I would or as much as I wanted to, or maybe that was cause I'm drunk. In fact the opeming title thingee is still playing in a loop as I type this. My newly accepted girlfriend is asleep in the next room, but sleepishly demanded tht I write this review. It';s not gonna make a lot of sense since I AM DRUNK, but it should be entertaining none the less.
So I juist picked up my new glasses yesterday after an interview. And I must say my new girlfriend likes them a lot. As do I. They're frameless. Is thar even a word?
So, after convincing me weeks ago that I must be inebriated to watch said movie, I agreed and sat down, although there was a very long break during, because I was warching with my girlfriend, "wink." This movie wasnt the complete, Black Baby Abortion thaT mEGAN fOX HAD THAT i EXPECTED,. If you follow current complete "who gives a shit" celebrity news than you might know what I'm talking about. So this girl moves o Washington state, as if that's ever happened before. And makes quick friends, like tha happens witha pasty white chick and a bunch of minorities, in a state populated by minorities. And she seems to catch the eye of this one really weird guy who cant stand to look at her for more than a few seconds without running out of the classroom like he just jizzed his pants. Anyways, she almost gets hsit bya car and this weird pedophile looking motherfucker saves her foe reaseons explained later in the movie, which is really gay and I'm glad Iam still drunk while writing this. Guy m,eets girl and decides he wants to kill her or suck her blood or fuck her or whatever. I mean this is why this is a hardcore review, right? So he falls in love with this girl who onluy looked good in Adventureland, and decides to not killer, as he's some sort of vegetarian vampire who only eats animals. Um, I know I'm drunk but that;s not a vegetarian. aNYways theres this other guy who shows up without a shirt in the next movie anf is sill underage, but is an Indian, so
i guss that makes it ok that this is a really gay story, and if you fol,low my facebook then you know what I mean by "gay."
Baseball ensues, which is a fucking boring game unless you';re playing it. And then they hunt Bella, which is also gay, unless you've seen Kristen Stewart plau a trashy whore in Adventureland like I have. And trust me yo havent. Cause she was like a thousand time trashier in my mind. Is trashier even a word? I guess it is according to this spellchieck. Keep in mind this is like my tenth Kiltlifter in like three hours.
So she wakes up in a hospital and then goes to prom wher Jacob (the Werewolf) and Edward (team wooden steak) see e ach other and get all wanna bee agro, but the just come off as uber gaylike. Why does Edwards adiptiv father look like muy roommate? Seriously, that shuit is gonna keep me up at nights. Or days as I work nights, but irregardless (whcih is supprisinglya word on this spellcheck.
So this movie gets a grade befitting to its and my current state. Cactus JAck versus The Sandman in ECW. The Sandman was out on his feet during a Texas DEath Match against Cactus Jack. The object of which is to beat ths shit out of your opponent, pin him and them hope he doenst answer the ten count. Early un the match Sandman suffered a concussion and wouldn't stay down. So, Cactus had to continue beating the shit out of him to keep him down for not only three count, but the ten count that followed. I'm drunk so all I remember is Cactus hitting Sandman with a fucking cast iron skillet ND i thing thAt is what gave Sandman the concussion. Mick (Cactus Jack) admits to it in a dvd. The matxch that kept on going was a train wreck. Like seriously. Watch it and you'll see Jim's eyes rolled into tha back of his head and not recogniing where he is. Its craxy. It's on Mick Foley's Greatsest Hits and Misses dvd from the devils in Stamford. I can really reven type.
GO TEAM WOODEN STEAK!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Savage Dragon Archives 1; A Hardcore Review
While watching a great many things, post Phoenix Con, I have also begun reading some of the fucking amazing books I picked up while on my adventure. I did however FAIL to make any trades while at said convention. There will no doubt be Hardcore Reviews on some of those purchases as well. Although, I have yet to figure out how to write a review on an action figure. I mean I know I could, but other than just describing the sculpt and the amount of articulation. That would be a pretty short review. Although with my prevalent use of the English language and my constant use of foul language could beef up the body of work. However, today I am reviewing the compilation of the Savage Dragon's first 21 issues, plus it's 3 issue mini series.
Originally I purchased the second volume of Savage Dragon Archives a while ago from Bookmans a while back. When at Phoenix ComiCon, I swung by the Spazdog Comics booth. They had a ton of graphic novels. I got the book for dirt cheap. Almost immediately after getting home, I began reading the book. Wrought with harsh violence and Dragon constantly losing his clothes almost once per issue, Savage Dragon also features a lot of gratuitous T & A. In all actuality, the book, features the raw black and white line art of Erik Larsen, and I might say, almost as much fucking dialog as an Alan Moore graphic novel. For the love of god, I understand Larsen is a liberal thinker. You kind of have to be to be an artist who pretty much works for himself, but does Dragon have to spell out what tolerance is defined as, and why it needs to be achieved in a comic book that features all this near nudity and a giant naked green guy with a fin on his head punching the shit out of anything that moves? Since when did a massive brute suddenly become a philosopher? I get that we all have political and personal views on life, as I subliminally put them into my comic book as well. But does he have to be so freaking overt about it? And I mean, I once read a tip from Chuck Dixon that said if you can say in 12 words what you could also say in 24, go with 12. It's a comic, it's supposed to be visual. The pictures are supposed to tell the majority of the story. Otherwise it would be a novel.
The story is what you would expect with an early Image comic. Pretty much all flash and dash, not a lot of useless plot points or actual needless character development.
In all, it is what it is. Enjoyable for the mindless action fan. It's a Schwarzenegger movie. Massive budget for the biggest explosions, and a kindergarten vocabulary. Don't get me wrong, I dig a mindless action movie as much as the next person, but think about what every typical Bruce Willis, everything blows up and we all shout out the one liners together, if it had plot and heart like Leon. I know, it causes you to have to think and Zeus knows we hate thinking for ourselves when we watch the pretty pictures move by at 30 frames per second, and the millions dwindle away and your paycheck get eaten up with a fucking twelve dollar ticket price and another thirty bucks for a small popcorn and cola. We all need that escape from reality. For the longest time (until I grew up and realized not everything has to blow up and be monosyllabic to be entertaining) my favorite movie was Terminator 2: Judgment Day. And I still love shouting, "Get to da choppah!" in an Austrian accent at passing motorists as loud as possible without popping a lung. Mindlessness is a necessary evil in this day and age. And I have to say, getting 24 issues of mindless, Tom & Jerry like violence for the low cost of two movie tickets is pretty awesome.
Ole Fin-Head keeps getting into trouble. In fact I honestly wonder what costs more, the collateral damage (also a Schwarzenegger movie)to the city of Chicago or replacing Officer Dragon's uniforms every other page. The coupled with the introduction of woman after woman who has a thing for green skinned, 'roided out guys who forget to work out their legs. And each one of them is fucking needy as shit. I get that most of the time comic books are a reflection of their respective creators and their secret power trip ideals, but I seriously hope that Erik Larsen doesn't go looking for women who unabashedly throw themselves at him and have little self control or self esteem that they constantly need to be validated by fucking the object of their desires. Although, I wouldn't mind hooking up with either Kyle or Grrry in real life.... maybe. The whole addition of the shower scene to issue 17, that was omitted from a version of the individually released issue was good, but begs the question of how gaping is the space between Rapture's legs to be able to fit Dragon's Big Show sized hand? Jesus Christ almighty!
So, in summation, if massive destruction, completely necessary tits and ass, and fights by barely clothed insanely muscled "he men" is your thing. You should run, NOT WALK to your local comic book distributor (comic book shop) and pick up Savage Dragon Archives Vol. 1.
As for the grade of the book. As I was saying before, I did like this book, I just felt that Savage dragon had way to much obvious preaching about acceptance, for a book that refers to the super powered individuals as "freaks," and too many goddamn words, and some pretty horrid costumes (it was the early 90's after all). I give you one of the most bizarrely named gimmick matches ever, the "Raven's Clockwork Orange House of Fun" match. Which was basically just a way of saying there would be a bunch of fucking weapons hanging on a chain that surrounded the ring. The match of course being officiated by none other than one of the early pioneers of hardcore wrestling in America, Kevin "The Taskmaster" Sullivan, complete with painted on referee shirt and bow tie, and the word "VIOLENCE" scrawled across his chest. I know what you're thinking, "this is gonna be like Ric Flair versus Kerry Von Erich from the mid 80's." And as you may have figured, Raven versus the Sandman from the very early days of TNA Wrestling, was the continued classic series of matches the two had from ECW. Violent, bloody and complete with Sandman blasting Raven with a half empty twelve pack of Natty Light! The object of the match, other than bludgeoning your opponent to mush, was to was to eventually get them up to Raven's Nest and then toss them over the railing and through the mountain of tables. The culmination of the match was Scotty shooting Jim in the face with a fire extinguisher filled with chem powder and then tossing the drunk off the balcony and through like eleventeen some odd tables.
Originally I purchased the second volume of Savage Dragon Archives a while ago from Bookmans a while back. When at Phoenix ComiCon, I swung by the Spazdog Comics booth. They had a ton of graphic novels. I got the book for dirt cheap. Almost immediately after getting home, I began reading the book. Wrought with harsh violence and Dragon constantly losing his clothes almost once per issue, Savage Dragon also features a lot of gratuitous T & A. In all actuality, the book, features the raw black and white line art of Erik Larsen, and I might say, almost as much fucking dialog as an Alan Moore graphic novel. For the love of god, I understand Larsen is a liberal thinker. You kind of have to be to be an artist who pretty much works for himself, but does Dragon have to spell out what tolerance is defined as, and why it needs to be achieved in a comic book that features all this near nudity and a giant naked green guy with a fin on his head punching the shit out of anything that moves? Since when did a massive brute suddenly become a philosopher? I get that we all have political and personal views on life, as I subliminally put them into my comic book as well. But does he have to be so freaking overt about it? And I mean, I once read a tip from Chuck Dixon that said if you can say in 12 words what you could also say in 24, go with 12. It's a comic, it's supposed to be visual. The pictures are supposed to tell the majority of the story. Otherwise it would be a novel.
The story is what you would expect with an early Image comic. Pretty much all flash and dash, not a lot of useless plot points or actual needless character development.
In all, it is what it is. Enjoyable for the mindless action fan. It's a Schwarzenegger movie. Massive budget for the biggest explosions, and a kindergarten vocabulary. Don't get me wrong, I dig a mindless action movie as much as the next person, but think about what every typical Bruce Willis, everything blows up and we all shout out the one liners together, if it had plot and heart like Leon. I know, it causes you to have to think and Zeus knows we hate thinking for ourselves when we watch the pretty pictures move by at 30 frames per second, and the millions dwindle away and your paycheck get eaten up with a fucking twelve dollar ticket price and another thirty bucks for a small popcorn and cola. We all need that escape from reality. For the longest time (until I grew up and realized not everything has to blow up and be monosyllabic to be entertaining) my favorite movie was Terminator 2: Judgment Day. And I still love shouting, "Get to da choppah!" in an Austrian accent at passing motorists as loud as possible without popping a lung. Mindlessness is a necessary evil in this day and age. And I have to say, getting 24 issues of mindless, Tom & Jerry like violence for the low cost of two movie tickets is pretty awesome.
Ole Fin-Head keeps getting into trouble. In fact I honestly wonder what costs more, the collateral damage (also a Schwarzenegger movie)to the city of Chicago or replacing Officer Dragon's uniforms every other page. The coupled with the introduction of woman after woman who has a thing for green skinned, 'roided out guys who forget to work out their legs. And each one of them is fucking needy as shit. I get that most of the time comic books are a reflection of their respective creators and their secret power trip ideals, but I seriously hope that Erik Larsen doesn't go looking for women who unabashedly throw themselves at him and have little self control or self esteem that they constantly need to be validated by fucking the object of their desires. Although, I wouldn't mind hooking up with either Kyle or Grrry in real life.... maybe. The whole addition of the shower scene to issue 17, that was omitted from a version of the individually released issue was good, but begs the question of how gaping is the space between Rapture's legs to be able to fit Dragon's Big Show sized hand? Jesus Christ almighty!
So, in summation, if massive destruction, completely necessary tits and ass, and fights by barely clothed insanely muscled "he men" is your thing. You should run, NOT WALK to your local comic book distributor (comic book shop) and pick up Savage Dragon Archives Vol. 1.
As for the grade of the book. As I was saying before, I did like this book, I just felt that Savage dragon had way to much obvious preaching about acceptance, for a book that refers to the super powered individuals as "freaks," and too many goddamn words, and some pretty horrid costumes (it was the early 90's after all). I give you one of the most bizarrely named gimmick matches ever, the "Raven's Clockwork Orange House of Fun" match. Which was basically just a way of saying there would be a bunch of fucking weapons hanging on a chain that surrounded the ring. The match of course being officiated by none other than one of the early pioneers of hardcore wrestling in America, Kevin "The Taskmaster" Sullivan, complete with painted on referee shirt and bow tie, and the word "VIOLENCE" scrawled across his chest. I know what you're thinking, "this is gonna be like Ric Flair versus Kerry Von Erich from the mid 80's." And as you may have figured, Raven versus the Sandman from the very early days of TNA Wrestling, was the continued classic series of matches the two had from ECW. Violent, bloody and complete with Sandman blasting Raven with a half empty twelve pack of Natty Light! The object of the match, other than bludgeoning your opponent to mush, was to was to eventually get them up to Raven's Nest and then toss them over the railing and through the mountain of tables. The culmination of the match was Scotty shooting Jim in the face with a fire extinguisher filled with chem powder and then tossing the drunk off the balcony and through like eleventeen some odd tables.
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