The Runaways; A Hardcore Review

Essentially this wasn't so much the story of the all girl rock band, The Runaways, so much as it was the story of Joan Jett and Cherie Curie.
While the look of the film was no doubt "spot on," I couldn't stand this movie. Kristen "Twilight" Stewart had NO FUCKING BUSINESS playing Joan Jett. Just cause she's in fucking vogue right now doesn't mean she was the right person to play Joan. And yeah, she looks a little like Jett in the 70's, but to me that AIN'T fucking good enough. The shitty thing, to me, is that she did a good job portraying the first lady of Punk Rock. Kristen Stewart, whether I like it or not is at the very least a decent actress, if not, a really good actress. This role has broken her out of the mold of being Bella, the wishy washy girl from the Twilight saga. And moving out of your comfort zone as an artist is essential for staying fresh and being the best that you can be.
Dakota Fanning plays Cherie Curie, the lead singer of The Runaways. With their meteoric rise to stardom, Curie becomes a drug addict and alcoholic. Fanning, has become a sparkling actress since her debut in "I Am Sam," playing opposite the very retarded Sean Penn.
Alia Shawkat, Pash from Whip It was in this movie, playing Robin. While Rob Zombie's Halloween Laurie Strode, Scout Taylor-Compton played Lita "Kiss Me Deadly" Ford. But the whole movie was spotlighting Joan Jett and her sometimes androgynous relationship with Cherie Curie.
After their Japanese tour, Curie lost it. Began heavily using, and according to the movie, became a Prima donna. While I am a big Joan Jett fan, I don't claim to know shit about the Runaways. God I so wanted to hate this movie. I really really wanted to. But I couldn't. There's little harder to do in this world than admit you were wrong. Not knowing a lot about the group that made acts like P!NK, Kittie, L7 and Bikini Kill possible should make me a fucking historian. But sometimes the best thing isn't to know all the details, but to just appreciate the music and everything it's done.
This flick was interesting to watch. Gave some much needed background on a truly groundbreaking group. And to my shock and awe had some really tremendous acting from someone I didn't think deserved the part, simply cause I felt she was a "flash in the pan" type star. But I have to say, with all sincerity, that The Runaways was a great flick. And thus brings to mind a truly great moment involving, at the time, two of the top workers in wrestling, Triple H and Mick Foley. After Triple H and Stephanie McMahon got "married" they made Mick Foley's life a living hell, including firing him. Upon an announced locker room wide walkout staged by The Rock, Triple H and Steph were forced to reinstate Foley. The Rock also dictated that there would be a tag team main event featuring Degeneration X versus The Rock, The APA and Mick Foley. The end of the match saw The Rock and Farooq and Bradshaw take out The New Age Outlaws and X Pac. Leaving the champ, Triple H and Mick Foley alone, battling it out for bloody supremacy of the ring. In the end, Hunter delivered a "Pedigree" to Foley, putting him through the announce table. As Triple H walked up the ramp, Mick, who's Mankind mask was ripped off during the fight, was bloodied and staring wild eyed at the retreating champion. The moment came the next night, or "officially" on Thursday night Smackdown, when in the ring celebrating his utter defeat of Foley, Triple H declared victory in their war. But out came Mick, in his Mankind outfit from Monday, bloody shirt included. Mick said, after the beating he took a few days before, he wasn't ready to take on the young champion at that Sunday's Royal Rumble pay per view. As he began taking off his mash and tie, he stated, "I'm in no condition to fight you on Sunday..... (Triple H smiles) but I know someone who is.... and I think you know him real well." Tearing open his shirt, he reveals his famous, "Wanted: DEAD" Cactus Jack t-shirt. BANG BANG!

Twilight: A Hardcore Drunken Review

Let me first reinterate that this is a hardocre drunken review. The editing has been done as seen fit, but is left in tact as much as possible as given the feature being reviewed. I aM still drinking Kiltlifters as I type this with my girlfriend aspeep in the next room. I am leaving things uncorrected as I see fit, as I am drunk while typing thus.
dSo, me and my girfriend/ boothbabe just watched Twilight, or I did, as she fell asleep with fifteen minutes left on the clock. And since thw World Cup is going on, fifteen seconds is a LONG fucking time. First things first, I didn't hate this movie as much as I thought I would or as much as I wanted to, or maybe that was cause I'm drunk. In fact the opeming title thingee is still playing in a loop as I type this. My newly accepted girlfriend is asleep in the next room, but sleepishly demanded tht I write this review. It';s not gonna make a lot of sense since I AM DRUNK, but it should be entertaining none the less.
So I juist picked up my new glasses yesterday after an interview. And I must say my new girlfriend likes them a lot. As do I. They're frameless. Is thar even a word?
So, after convincing me weeks ago that I must be inebriated to watch said movie, I agreed and sat down, although there was a very long break during, because I was warching with my girlfriend, "wink." This movie wasnt the complete, Black Baby Abortion thaT mEGAN fOX HAD THAT i EXPECTED,. If you follow current complete "who gives a shit" celebrity news than you might know what I'm talking about. So this girl moves o Washington state, as if that's ever happened before. And makes quick friends, like tha happens witha pasty white chick and a bunch of minorities, in a state populated by minorities. And she seems to catch the eye of this one really weird guy who cant stand to look at her for more than a few seconds without running out of the classroom like he just jizzed his pants. Anyways, she almost gets hsit bya car and this weird pedophile looking motherfucker saves her foe reaseons explained later in the movie, which is really gay and I'm glad Iam still drunk while writing this. Guy m,eets girl and decides he wants to kill her or suck her blood or fuck her or whatever. I mean this is why this is a hardcore review, right? So he falls in love with this girl who onluy looked good in Adventureland, and decides to not killer, as he's some sort of vegetarian vampire who only eats animals. Um, I know I'm drunk but that;s not a vegetarian. aNYways theres this other guy who shows up without a shirt in the next movie anf is sill underage, but is an Indian, so
i guss that makes it ok that this is a really gay story, and if you fol,low my facebook then you know what I mean by "gay."
Baseball ensues, which is a fucking boring game unless you';re playing it. And then they hunt Bella, which is also gay, unless you've seen Kristen Stewart plau a trashy whore in Adventureland like I have. And trust me yo havent. Cause she was like a thousand time trashier in my mind. Is trashier even a word? I guess it is according to this spellchieck. Keep in mind this is like my tenth Kiltlifter in like three hours.
So she wakes up in a hospital and then goes to prom wher Jacob (the Werewolf) and Edward (team wooden steak) see e ach other and get all wanna bee agro, but the just come off as uber gaylike. Why does Edwards adiptiv father look like muy roommate? Seriously, that shuit is gonna keep me up at nights. Or days as I work nights, but irregardless (whcih is supprisinglya word on this spellcheck.
So this movie gets a grade befitting to its and my current state. Cactus JAck versus The Sandman in ECW. The Sandman was out on his feet during a Texas DEath Match against Cactus Jack. The object of which is to beat ths shit out of your opponent, pin him and them hope he doenst answer the ten count. Early un the match Sandman suffered a concussion and wouldn't stay down. So, Cactus had to continue beating the shit out of him to keep him down for not only three count, but the ten count that followed. I'm drunk so all I remember is Cactus hitting Sandman with a fucking cast iron skillet ND i thing thAt is what gave Sandman the concussion. Mick (Cactus Jack) admits to it in a dvd. The matxch that kept on going was a train wreck. Like seriously. Watch it and you'll see Jim's eyes rolled into tha back of his head and not recogniing where he is. Its craxy. It's on Mick Foley's Greatsest Hits and Misses dvd from the devils in Stamford. I can really reven type.
GO TEAM WOODEN STEAK!

Cause FUCK 'EM THAT's WHY!

Well it's been a number of hours since the cops were let loose on the Hardcore Comic Book Icon. And I still can't fucking believe it. This one is definitely opening the autobiography that I will someday write. Hilarity ensued when the police were called on a guy who has an FBI fingerprint clearance card. Man if that douchebag costs me my job, I swear to fucking Christ I will punch you in the face, when I find out who you are.
The cops were surprisingly cool about the whole thing too. Which was nice, cause if they had be douchebags I don't think I would be here right now. Cause I can be a real smart ass at times.
I just don't understand the love of this fucking book series. I mean its about vampires that can walk around in daylight and werewolves that don't require a full moon to transform. And as I understand it, the eroticism stops just short of erotic. Plus, the whole concept of a lead heroine who is a complete and utter clueless bitch and has no concept of choosing for herself strikes me as really poor story telling. Why, why would you think this ok to tell a story like this? This is why Mormons should never write erotic horror. That's like a fucking Amish snuff film.
Write something good or don't write anything at all. And I am sure people are gonna be like, "it's good teen fiction." No, Judy Blume is good teen fiction. Lindsay Lohan movies are good teen fiction. The fucking Passion of the Christ is good teen fiction. But sparkly vampires who also look scarily close to pedophiles is NOT GOOD TEEN FICTION! If it was good teen fiction it would be called Coraline!

Twilight is the new form of death

I just got a visit from Tucson Police, no joke, at my front door for an update I made about randomly shooting up a theatre crowded with Twilight fans. That part was a joke. This is getting seriously fucked up people. To where someone can't make a joke about how much pop culture sucks in this world and people can't take it all seriously. Honestly terrorism is something that has existed since before September 11, 2001. Look at Waco Texas, look at Oklahoma City. You people should be ashamed of yourselves for not being able to take a fucking joke anymore.
Freedom of speech and free expression is now suffering because people no longer have a sense of humor. Or maybe it's because people really like Twilight. Either way it's a bad thing. For fuck's sake, why can't people just fucking let shit go sometimes. I have had actual physical threats on my well being before and I didn't call the cops. Seriously in high school, junior high and afterward. Just smarten up a little here America. If I can't make obviously humorous threats against pop culture and the idiots who adore it then man maybe this isn't the "land of the free" anymore. But then again it was built by slaves and upon lies so I guess it never was.
Well, I guess this will be the first of many times the cops are called for the Hardcore Comic Book Icon