I forget if I already reviewed this movie. But you know what? It's my MagogDamn Hardcore Review. So I'll re-review it if I fucking want, and or forgot I already did. Now from the opening credits to the final moments with Tallahassee with Twinkee firmly in hand this movie is a winner.
Rules rules rules. We all have some. We follow some sort of dichotomy that we choose to live by, whether it be laws, rules of nature or things we fucking make up as we go along. We all have them, and you know what? Some are meant to be broken. Sometimes.
So Columbus, who is played by the other Michale Cera, Jesse Eisenberg who recently starred in The Social Network with Justin Timberlake, which I won't pay to see.
Cardio
The Double Tap
Seatbelts
Don't be a hero
Check the back seat
Just a few of the many many rules that Columbus lives by. After the zombie apocalypse Columbus who is a shut in, meets up with Tallahassee, played by the enigmatic Woody Harrelson, is an ass kicking guy with an arsenal or really odd weaponry, a love for Dale Earnhardt or at least the number 3 AND an unquenchable thirst for a Twinkee. Tallahassee sets a new standard when it comes to taking out zombies. There's some new fangled ways of taking those undead flesh cravers out. And I couldn't be happier to watch this new artform take shape.
And the fucking dialog is seriously hilarious. Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick are dialog gods on par with Kevin Smith and myself.
Emma Stone is hot, as always, and not completely without her merits in the Zombieland. I mean you would think, hot chick, pretty fucking useless when it comes to battling the undead. And Abigail Breslin has outgrown being the little chubby girl from Little Miss Sunshine, which is another awesome fucking movie and worthy of a Hardcore Review.
Now things get a little complicated when Tallahassee and Columbus meet Wichita and Little Rock (Stone and Breslin). Cause well Columbus is a bitch and all he wants in life is to meet a girl who he can brush her hair past her ear. And as romantic as that sounds, you're a little bitch who's only survived cause he's been lucky. Sure he does cardio and he has a bunch of rules, but let's face it, Columbus isn't the brightest, toughest or brazen individuals in movie history. I am glad that the lead character isn't this bullshit cliche tough as nails ass kicker. I mean even Tallahassee isn't even all that predictable in this flick. Sure he kicks some serious zombie ass, but he's also driven by Twinkees and uh, finding new and improved ways to dispose of the undead. That and his obsession with Bill Murray. The kill scene with Murray is so fucking funny, even Wichita breaks character and starts laughing. The thing I wonder about is if they really shot in Bill Murray's house. That would be an interesting fact.
The whole Wantin' Your Wampum gift shop scene is AWESOME. "Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying you're a wonderful human being..."
The driving scene in the Hummer after the trashing the gift shop where they're just shooting the shit, is classic. "You don't know who Willie Nelson is?..... Willie Nelson?..." "Yeah. No!" C'mon everyone knows who Willie Nelson is. EVERYONE!
I could go on and on and on about every fucking scene in this flick. But then again, it would be too long and boring after while. I mean I consider myself a really good writer, but rehashing every scene in even the greatest movie would get tedious after a bit.
The whole concept of disguising yourself as a zombie to avoid being attacked is fucking cool. And it's been done in Shaun of the Dead, and some comic books, which is a brilliant idea.
Ok, so for the grade. I go with Steve Corino versus Terry Funk in MLW in a barbed wire "I Quit" match. Bloody as you would expect. And just imaging the single toughest sixty year old EVER kicking the shit out of a thirty something for the MLW Heavyweight Championship. It was pretty brutal. And then of course the Extreme Horsemen come out and take out Funk on behalf of Corino. And the match ends without actually anyone actually saying "I quit," but with Funk wrapped up in barbed wire. Blood, sweat and a lot of ass kicking including Funk piledriving Corino through the ringside table. Fucking brilliant. And the best part was Corino offering Funk to simply say he quit before the match even started and walk away. To which Funk grabs the mike and tells Corino the same thing. Sixty years old, two bad knees and fucked up back and still fearless.
Showing posts with label mlw. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mlw. Show all posts
Friday, September 17, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Powergirl 1-12; A Hardcore Review
The 12 issue run by writers Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti with art chores handled by Amanda Conner. Variant covers were done for the first 3 issues by legendary pinup and cheesecake artist Matt Hughes. This run followed the successful 4 issue origin run in JSA Classified, with writing handled by Geoff Johns and pencils and inks by Amanda and Jimmy respectively.
The stint, showed Powergirl as her alter ego, Karen Starr building her new corporation Starrware Industries from the ground up. Starrware is a company that is helping the Earth go green by inventing products that can be utilized, but there's one problem, none of their inventions are being picked up by anyone.
On the other side of the cape, Powergirl hangs out with her new gal pal Terra. Who is not the reincarnation of Terra from Teen Titans glory and traitor-dom; but a whole new manifestation from the underground, literally. She is a being from the underworld. But she still has the same powers as the original Terra. The two fight a menace, not seen in quite a while in Ultra Humanite, who tears Manhattan from its foundations and lifts it into space. And it's a good thing Terra's around to watch PG's back, cause the entire JSA roster is busy.
The two celebrate their victory over Ultra Humanite, the new Dynamic Duo have a girls night out with a movie. But that gets interrupted with a meta human attack, that leaves Terra in her skivies. Afterwards, Powergirl lets Terra know about the importance of always wearing her uniform under her civies.
Powergirl takes on the likes of a universe traversing macho pig who's only hunting the best woman for the hope of a next generation on his planet. He attempts courting Powergirl, who rebuffs his advances. And after a whole issue, finds out no actual physical contact is needed in order to help his people have progeny.
Earth 2 Supergirl, Kara Zor-El fights the likes of Satanna, and Ultra Humanite yet again. Only this time Humanite has somehow transferred his persona into Terra. And after letting loose and taking out "evil" Terra, PG restores her friend he own mind, and effectively erases Humanite's hatred of her, not to mention helps cure Humanite so that he is no longer cursed to wear the permanent ape suit.
The coup de gras was of course a young man who snaps a few pics of Powergirl changing from PG to Karen Starr on a rooftop via super high quality camera lense. He blackmails Powergirl into doing his bidding. His first order of business is to have Powergirl escort him to his favorite comic book store? But that was on the cover, and something like that would never actually happen, would it? But after the pseudo- date, the kid becomes a local celebrity, and even gets asked out on a date by the cute girl who works at the comic book shop. So the remaining blackmail is averted and he surrenders the hard copies and digital files. This is the issue I had Amanda sign at San Diego Comic Con this year. I told her it was by far my favorite issue of the dozen. She was happy with my diagnosis and also said how disappointed she was when she was younger reading a comic and didn't get to see some of the cool things that were slated on the covers.
Powergirl 1-12 was a super fun ride, that was the first book I read every single month. And the grade I give to it is conversely hardcore. I give to you a match from Major League Wrestling. It involves the "Chairman of professional wrestling," La Parka (who is now known as LA Park) and the "Suicidal... Homicidal... Genocidal... Death defying maniac" known the world over as Sabu. This was the most hellish match in MLW's short history. And almost saw the unmasking of La Parka when Sabu repeatedly stabbed him in the face and head shredding most of his mask. Sabu was seconded by Bill Alphonso and help Sabu he did. Sabu seemed to have settled down a bit since his more suicidal days in Extreme Championship Wrestling, due in part to coaching by Alphonso. At least that's what Joey Styles said. He called the match. It was bloody, and high flying, with a lot more mat wrestling than you have come to expect from the two time former Heavyweight World Champion. But La Parka succumbed Sabu's famous finisher, the triple jump moonsault. Afterward, Sabu shook La Parka's hand and raised his arm in a show of good sportsmanship. But following that, La Parka attacked Bill Alphonso outside of the building, still clad in his shredded and blood covered mask. Fonzie screaming about how his arm was broken from the bottom of a pile of garbage cans.
See for yourself folks....
Sabu versus La Parka in Major League Wrestling
The stint, showed Powergirl as her alter ego, Karen Starr building her new corporation Starrware Industries from the ground up. Starrware is a company that is helping the Earth go green by inventing products that can be utilized, but there's one problem, none of their inventions are being picked up by anyone.
On the other side of the cape, Powergirl hangs out with her new gal pal Terra. Who is not the reincarnation of Terra from Teen Titans glory and traitor-dom; but a whole new manifestation from the underground, literally. She is a being from the underworld. But she still has the same powers as the original Terra. The two fight a menace, not seen in quite a while in Ultra Humanite, who tears Manhattan from its foundations and lifts it into space. And it's a good thing Terra's around to watch PG's back, cause the entire JSA roster is busy.
The two celebrate their victory over Ultra Humanite, the new Dynamic Duo have a girls night out with a movie. But that gets interrupted with a meta human attack, that leaves Terra in her skivies. Afterwards, Powergirl lets Terra know about the importance of always wearing her uniform under her civies.
Powergirl takes on the likes of a universe traversing macho pig who's only hunting the best woman for the hope of a next generation on his planet. He attempts courting Powergirl, who rebuffs his advances. And after a whole issue, finds out no actual physical contact is needed in order to help his people have progeny.
Earth 2 Supergirl, Kara Zor-El fights the likes of Satanna, and Ultra Humanite yet again. Only this time Humanite has somehow transferred his persona into Terra. And after letting loose and taking out "evil" Terra, PG restores her friend he own mind, and effectively erases Humanite's hatred of her, not to mention helps cure Humanite so that he is no longer cursed to wear the permanent ape suit.
The coup de gras was of course a young man who snaps a few pics of Powergirl changing from PG to Karen Starr on a rooftop via super high quality camera lense. He blackmails Powergirl into doing his bidding. His first order of business is to have Powergirl escort him to his favorite comic book store? But that was on the cover, and something like that would never actually happen, would it? But after the pseudo- date, the kid becomes a local celebrity, and even gets asked out on a date by the cute girl who works at the comic book shop. So the remaining blackmail is averted and he surrenders the hard copies and digital files. This is the issue I had Amanda sign at San Diego Comic Con this year. I told her it was by far my favorite issue of the dozen. She was happy with my diagnosis and also said how disappointed she was when she was younger reading a comic and didn't get to see some of the cool things that were slated on the covers.
Powergirl 1-12 was a super fun ride, that was the first book I read every single month. And the grade I give to it is conversely hardcore. I give to you a match from Major League Wrestling. It involves the "Chairman of professional wrestling," La Parka (who is now known as LA Park) and the "Suicidal... Homicidal... Genocidal... Death defying maniac" known the world over as Sabu. This was the most hellish match in MLW's short history. And almost saw the unmasking of La Parka when Sabu repeatedly stabbed him in the face and head shredding most of his mask. Sabu was seconded by Bill Alphonso and help Sabu he did. Sabu seemed to have settled down a bit since his more suicidal days in Extreme Championship Wrestling, due in part to coaching by Alphonso. At least that's what Joey Styles said. He called the match. It was bloody, and high flying, with a lot more mat wrestling than you have come to expect from the two time former Heavyweight World Champion. But La Parka succumbed Sabu's famous finisher, the triple jump moonsault. Afterward, Sabu shook La Parka's hand and raised his arm in a show of good sportsmanship. But following that, La Parka attacked Bill Alphonso outside of the building, still clad in his shredded and blood covered mask. Fonzie screaming about how his arm was broken from the bottom of a pile of garbage cans.
See for yourself folks....
Sabu versus La Parka in Major League Wrestling
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