X-Men First Class; A Hardcore Review

"Go fuck yourselves!" The single greatest line Wolverine has ever uttered... EVER! But why Wolverine can say "fuck" and Mystique has no visible nipples confounds me. But back to the point. Wait, what was the fucking point? Oh, right, First Class, with characters who didn't show up until like a few years ago. Great continuity job there guys. Look I hate the concept of reboots. But I hate the concept of shitty reboots even more. And when there is only ONE original X-Man in the FIRST CLASS, there's gonna be a problem. But down deep, this was a good movie. A really good movie. I wanted to hate it. And believe me, I got my moments, which I will fully blast later, but this was a solid flick. I loved that they used footage from the first X-Men movie when Magneto's powers first manifested. And I loved how Shaw used Magneto as a test case, and brought the source of his powers out. It was AWESOME! Plus, Kevin Bacon's German, and Russian were great. Not that I speak either language. I mean, let's be honest, I can barely handle English or American, but whatever you wanna call it.
Magneto's journey of vengeance was flat out, very well done. And done with such fervor and rage, it was fucking believable. That's what I liked about it. But to balance out Magneto's anger, was Charles Xavier's serenity. Somehow, knowing all these people hate him and want him dead, even after all his team did, he still wanted to make the world better by just blending in. Magneto did, at the end, bring out the Malcolm X to Xavier's Martin Luther King Jr. It made sense. And fusing it with actual history, including the Cold War and the Cuban Missile Crisis was super well done. I have been super impressed with this and one other film that melded with American history and used it so well, by integrating it with the story. Surprisingly well done. I dug the cast of characters, for the most part. And of course like any sci-fi movie, the black guy died first. At least it wasn't on accident so the two estranged white people got to live, but the whole team. And he made that choice to try and help defeat Shaw and his ripoff Nightcrawler. But what the fuck was a go-go dancing stripper named who had DRAGONFLY tattoos on her back called Angel for? And how many women, in 1962, even a stripper, had huge fucking wings tattooed on there backs? One of the worst keeping with the 60's motif in the movie. That and the fact that the white and black mutants got along. C'mon, there wasn't any tension between them. But there was issues with Hank McCoy who had weird feet? What the fuck? Oh, and then when he transforms he becomes unable to make his mouth move in accordance with his speech. And he didn't get any bigger body wise, but his head grew EIGHT sizes that day. And while I am on the subject of Beast, if he did become more animalistic in nature, than wouldn't he lose the need for glasses? He would have predator eyes.
But back to the good. The search for the mutants. Man, the fucking cameo of Wolverine was CLASSIC!
Xavier: "Hi, I'm Charles Xavier and this is-"
Wolverine: "Go fuck yourselves!"
Xavier: "Alrighty then..... Eric, I think I just wet me britches a smidge."
Why was a 16 year old in solitary confinement and he wasn't all scary or crazy. I mean he was antisocial, but not hardcore about it. You know, I never liked White Queen all that much, but GODDAMN January Jones has got a set of titties on her. And she's like what a buck five, with tits that make her a buck fifteen. The diamond effect was cool. And even though he was a Nightcrawler knock off, Azazel had his moments. He was cool looking, but I dunno, I just love Crawler so much, that I couldn't like him at all. Although the way he used his power was pretty badass. But the pretty much unlimited teleportation range was a fucking bit much. And what was the point of Angel? Dude, there was like the most useless character. But she lives, cause she's hot and I guess only half black or Asian. And the full on negro bites the dust, by getting exploded from the inside. And by the guy who used to be the Nazi official.... do tell.
This movie was cool for the most part in my mind because of the mutant searching, the training and Magneto's search for revenge. Those are elements that made for a great new beginning. And Xavier and Mystique's relationship was really cool. Knowing that even in the end when he told her to go with Magneto, he wasn't reading her mind. Oh, and how come Xavier has to touch his temple to activate his powers? And why does Magneto need to motion towards the object he is manipulating? I understand it when he's still learning to use his power. But Emma Frost didn't have to do that. Shaw sorta did, but he was absorbing and expelling energy.
The breakdown of the first big battle and the training sequences alone made this flick for me. Sure there were parts that sucked, but with most comic book movies is to hope that they get the spirit of the characters correctly and the story makes sense and is epic in a way. Solid story, really good cast. Using a lot of unknown and lesser used actors, solid effects and mostly great characters.... X-Men First Class was a great reboot. And I never thought I would hear myself say that. Then again I never thought I would cheer a Wolverine one liner either.
If you're just tuning in, the Hardcore Review doesn't use thumbs, letters, numbers or even a hefty, nifty little shiny one liner for the movie poster or dvd slip case. I use hardcore moments in wrestling history as a basis for my grades. If the review is favorable, expect, foul language, sex, blood and more. If it sucks, expect Hulk Hogan. The moment I harken back to is from 1997. Triple H, who was then Hunter Hearst Helmsley was embroiled in a battle with Mankind. But the feud grew to the point that Mankind enlisted the friend of his old alter ego, Cactus Jack. Triple H and Cactus battled in a hardcore match with weapons and total violence, just when the then World Wrestling Federation began to enter the "Attitude Era." It was Monday Night Raw and the final moment of the match resulted in Cactus Jack doing something that very well may never have been done in the WWF until that point.... he piledrived Triple H through a table on the Titantron entrance ramp. The table wasn't the regular folding table used now, this was a rough, raw wood table that was probably from the 80's. I'm surprised Triple H survived to become the 10 time champion, and man who three years later "retire" Mick Foley as Cactus Jack.

Casting myself in a comic book flick....

Of course there is the super obvious choice of Nash from my own book, Youth in Asia. But that's not really fair, since he's based on me anyway. Although, I would have to be more athletic, and there's always the super fun stunt work and wrestling school, I'd have to attend.
But in all seriousness, I would have to go with one of four choices...

Omega Red.... as the seldom used X-Men villain I could go places, Brian Singer would never dare to go. Plus having to work with the cgi Carbonadium Tendrils would be a gas too. I just always liked Omega Red since I red how he made it through the Russian Super Soldier Program, "he toughed it out on pure mean." I honestly think, even though I'm not massive like Arkady Rosavich, I could bring a super dark and tortured presence to the character. He's mean, he's nasty and he's perfectly capable of killing Wolverine. Think about it. He secretes Death Pheromones. Just like Rogue, he would be a really isolated and tortured kind of person. Combine that with the possibility of him not being a willing participant in the Super Soldier program, and I'd give Hugh Jackman a run for his fuckin' money.

Nightwing/Batman... Since I picked up the Wizard 1/2 story, and then went back and bought over a year's worth of back issues by creative team, Chuck Dixon and Scott McDaniel I fell in love with the grown up Dick Grayson. Gone were the days of being Batman's sidekick and protege. Grayson filled the shoes of a much needed hero in the only city that made Gotham look like a great place to live, Bludhaven. From the acrobatics to the sharp wit and biting sarcasm that Bruce would never allow for himself, coupled with the idea that he honestly wants to hang up the tights one day and just be a normal guy. To his troubled, father/son relationship with Bruce. Dick Grayson as either Nightwing or Batman would be a serious ride and sort of cathartic to play. Plus all the stunt work and wire work would be first rate, since I would demand Woo Ping choreograph the fight scenes.

Moon Knight.... Marvel's much darker and more twisted answer to Batman comes in the form of everyman mercenary Marc Spector, who when left for dead in the Egyptian desert finds Kon Shu who grants him power and rebirth. It left Spector a little dazed in the cranium, but playing character with an imbalance would push my acting and probably make me the next Heath Ledger. What? Too soon?.... Seriously, to play a third string character recently given new light by Marvel would allow for a much darker transition and the ability to go places with the character much like they did with Blade. Shrouded in cloak and cape, Moon Knight would be tougher to pull off than Batman, as you wouldn't be able to rely on facial gesticulations or expression. You would have to go where Hugo Weaving went with V. Physical actions and a killer voice would be the only things depicting Spector's further descent into madness. And I think I like that just fine.

The Joker.... With my final choice, I intend to take things way further than even Heath Ledger could have if he returned for the next face off with Batman. I would dig into my playbook of psychotic with a hint of legitimate humor and rapier wit to be a darker, edgier and bigger, badder Joker than anyone has ever known. People think of the Joker as "just" a psychological villain. When in reality, he's just the chaos that mirrors Batman's so called "sanity and logic." People forget that Bats is just as crazy as the Joker, and I know I could drag that out of that pointy eared freak show. You see, Batman wears a mask. I don't. I'm not hiding who I am. Am I Brucie? So his parents were killed. So were the Menendez Brothers and they turned out alright. Where Ledger conjured up visions of a more sinister Joker, he forgot about the suave style and sophistication that must come with being the number one rogue in the world of four color funny books. I know I could draw on the only two other men who came close to capturing the scintillating style and the mad a macabre that I have festering deep within me. Because as every little boy once wanted to be..... send in the clown!