Monday, November 14, 2011

Batman Year One dvd; A Hardcore Review

Wow. When I watched this, I was all psyched and motivated to let loose on one of Frank Miller's finest works. But mere days later, I'd sooner not piss on Miller were he on fire and I had just drunk a shit load of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Why'd Miller have to open his fucking mouth? Hello! Mr. "Comics are Renegade." You ain't so renegade now are ya. You joined that mighty 1% when you sold your soul and Will Eisner's legacy with that fucking horrible Spirit movie attempt. I would just call it a movie, but c'mon, let's be honest, it really wasn't. And for those of us who saw it, we sure as fuck can't UNSEE it. You who shit all over Brian Azzarello's Eisner Award acceptance speech cause he said, "fuck," in front of the venerable Mr. Eisner. A man like you, who's spent years shocking people with blood and guts, over the top violence and rampant sexism is offended when people begin taking to the streets in protest of what Corporate America is doing to Americans. You who say you're renegade, but you're scared of people voicing their disdain with corporate greed. and you call them, "louts, theives and rapists?" How so Frank. And I assume I can call you Frank cause well, I refuse to show you any sort of respect by calling you Mr. Douchebag. It's just like how America was founded Frank, you know, except without all that pesky, slavery and genocide. Well, onto the review I guess, I'll try and remain impartial here folks, but I am an artist and you know how off kiltered and emotional, louts we can be. busy thieving and raping our way up the food chain.
So, this is the modernization of the Batman. Taking him from the Golden Age of the 1940's to the much grimmer and more realistic 1980's. Jim Gordon, has transferred to Gotham City as their newest lieutenant. Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne has returned after a more than decade long self imposed exile. Planning on avenging the murder of his parents by taking on every badguy in Gotham, Wayne has everything he needs, technique, drive, money and motive. Everything that is, except the one thing he really needs.
Gordon spends his first days of the story babying his pregnant wife, and getting to know the "ins and outs" of being a cop in Gotham. And that entails finding out most of the payroll of Gotham City's finest is also on the payroll of some of Gotham City's worst and getting the shit kicked out of him, with baseball bats by said finest. Wayne spends his first few days back, getting the shit kicked out of him by some of Gotham City's not so finest citizens. Then, he sits in a big comfy chair and decides if he should ring the bell to summon his man servant, Alfred to sew up his wounds. All the while, he's talking to his dead father about what real strength is. And just then when he can't take it anymore, wouldn't you know it, a fucking bat flies through the window and sits on his father's head. Or at least the head of the bust of his father.
So I guess, even in a blood loss induced state, ol' Brucie was able to grasp the concept that nothing produces fear, like the threat of rabies. Or maybe it was sparkly vampires, I don't fucking know. Anyhow, this fucking movie rocked. Why the fuck was it in the kid's section at Target? Cause today's kids are so much more mature than you were when you were a tyke. But then again, when I was a kid, I used a little thing called my imagination, played outside a lot and oh yeah there were less obese children too. Shut your face fatty this is my review and I'll make fun of whoever the fuck I want. I already made fun of the middle aged white guy who's obviously wound a bit too tight.
I didn't go with the two disk dvd set of this flick, cause it included 2 or 3 Batman cartoons that were hosted by Bruce Timm. I no doubt already own those 2 or 3 cartoons, and have no doubt seen them about a hundred times before.
But this flick was a lot of fun. It wasn't panel for panel the Year One of old, but it was fucking nice. The design, tone of the flick really matched Mazuchelli's art from the book. The voice casting was great. I didn't mind that Kevin Conroy wasn't cast as Batman/Bruce Wayne cause it was fucking Year One and it wasn't quite time for the gravel voice, but past time for Christian Bale's guttural growl of, "What the fuck did you just say?" No, this was the perfect mix with Bryan Cranston's semi cranky Jim Gordon, Eliza Dushku's sexified Catwoman, and the veteran Jon Polito as Commissioner Loeb, with Ben McKenzie as Bruce Wayne/Batman. It made sense in a lot of different ways.
Gordon begins his meteoric climb towards becoming Commissioner, while Bruce dawns the cape and cowl, gets a television smashed over his head all in the process of honing his craft. The fight sequences were amazingly rendered, and had that quasi-retro feel to it. The color palette was spot on. The thing I did not care for, is the merging of 2D and 3D animation. I know it's easier at times with certain things, like vehicles, city scapes, but to me it takes away from the pure feel of the experience. Especially when it's a retro type flick. I mean if it was Green Lantern, I'd be all for it. But an 80's Batman cartoon, c'mon. You know it's gonna be the biggest DC cartoon feature released this year. You're gonna make your money back. Oh and stop farming your "in-betweens" to fucking Korea. Keep it here in the states. I swear, this is why Occupy Wallstreet is going on. There's tons of AMERICAN animators looking for work. Especially since that fucker Michael Eisner shut down Disney's 2D feature studios down a few years back. Although, with The Princess and the Frog, I guess they started it back up. But, direct to video super hero projects are becoming in vogue and very kitchie. We're all the 99% here Warner Brothers.
Honestly I'm really glad DC made this edgy cartoon movie. DC's cartoon features have been super successful in my opinion. Great direction, superb casting and some of the best mother fucking story writing and adaptions I have witnessed. With DC moving in this direction, it gives me confidence that they will eventually be able to adapt The Dark Knight Returns into an animated feature, not unlike they did for the short in BTAS, Legends of the Dark Knight. And again, as much as I love Kevin Conroy as the one true voice of Batman, the casting in that short of Michael Ironside as an aging Dark Knight was nothing short of perfect. Here's hoping DC.

I'm not gonna tell you how I fucking grade my Hardcore Reviews. The fucking grade should give you that inkling. That and the fact that I cuss a lot. But this comes from an early episode of Eastern Championship Wrestling on Sports Channel Philadelphia, or ECW Hardcore TV. A young JT Smith fought the The Dark Patriot, secretly the brother of "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert, and member of Hot Stuff International and the newly reformed Dangerous Alliance. The match itself wasn't really anything special, but the end of it was fucking HARDCORE. The Dark Patriot and Smith fought up to the "eagle's nest" above the ECW Arena, where with a few powerful punches Smith is sent over the side, tumbling 15 feet to the cold arena floor.

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