Sunday, March 27, 2011

DRunken Von Fuckery

So tonight, well, I guess this is morning now, you technical fuckers who have already gone to sleep and woken up again. For my night owl brethren, here you go...
SO there was actually much accomplished tonight, you know as in before I wrote this, I finished the massive painting job at my mom's house around 4 after I did my volunteer thing that started at, oh I don't know, like 945 in the morning. And that's after getting maybe 4 or 5 hours of sleep. So for two straight weeks at volunteering, WE MADE PUPPETS! How fucking cool is that? Puppets, two straight weeks in a row. There is nothing cooler. Then I painted. And that went really well. Only took about three hours to finish up the job.
After that, I watched the University of Arizona play UConn in the Elite 8. It was a back and forth game with my step dad going nuts for the entirety of the second half of action.
After that, I came home and showered. And went out to eat at, you guessed it, Roccos. And of course I got wings and some bread sticks. During the wait for my food, an ambulance showed up and treated and took a guy who passed out and banged his head. The wings, DELICIOUS. The sticks, AMAZING.
Then it was off to Safehouse, where I began to put into motion an idea for a pinup/print/cover I have had for a couple of days now. Talked with some friends and listened to a lot of jams on my ipod.
At 12 midnight I headed off to The Surly Wench for some music and booze. It was Fineline Revisited night at the Wench and there was plenty of tunage to be had. And as always, there was beer, liquor and pretty much anything else you could imagine. Right after getting my first drink, I saw a girl I saw the week before, who I had given my # to. This time around I made sure to get her phone number. No dancing for me, but there was plenty of drinking to be had. As well as communication with one of the owners that I would come back to take pictures for reference in my comic book. The city of Apex City, is based on two of my favorite places, Tucson and San Francisco. So I want my characters to have actual places to hang out in. The Surly Wench and Roccos are just two of them.
Then I came home, drank some more and kind of vegged out to whatever on Netflix while I perused the internet.
And now, I bid you "go fuck yourselves" and goodnight.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Scott Pilgrim Vol. 1; A Hardcore Review

Try as I may. Try as I might, I couldn't hate this book. Just kidding. I picked it up a few weeks ago at Charlies Comics here in the 520. Seeing as how I had some extra money, and volume one was actually in stock, I decided to have a look at what all the hype was about.

First off, I wasn't really sure how I felt about the artwork. At first it annoyed me, as being overly simplistic, and almost lazy in a manner. Thing is, through reading the whole story, it just made it flow. With the plot, and dialog, the artwork worked.
Scott Pilgrim is not your ordinary slacker. Nope, he's extraordinary at what he does. He shares a tiny studio apartment with Wallace. It's so small, they actually share a bed. Another major point to bring up is that almost nothing in the apartment is actually Scott's. Keeping with the slacker theme we have going here, Scott has no job, isn't in school, but is in a band. He plays bass. The band's name is Sex Bob omb. Fantastic name if you ask me. And you're reading this right now, so it's a fucking fantastic name. And of course Scott is "dating" a 17 year old high school girl. I'm not really sure how things work in Canada, but according to Pilgrim they hadn't even held hands, cause Knives was too embarrassed. Yup, that's the girl's name, Knives Chau. Scott meets here almost every day after school and they hang out. One day Knives goes to one of the band's practices, and instantly becomes their biggest fan. Which sends their former biggest fan into tears running into his room.
But all ruts must come to an end.
Scott begins having dreams about a hot girl on inline skates who delivers packages to the Toronto area. Then he sees her at the library, and a party, where he asks about her shoes. Scott is seriously interested. Yet begins receiving emails and letters from someone wanting a fight.
Scott decides to order some cds from Amazon to try and meet this young woman who has been identified as Ramona Flowers. Moments before she knocks on his door, Scott dreams of Ramona. When they finally speak, Ramona reveals that there's this internal super highway. A mode of travel that leads through the subconscious of others. They begin hanging out that night, when snow forces them inside. Ramona lets Scott sleep over only to kick him out first thing in the morning. No sex was had. Scott invites Ramona to Sex Bob omb's next gig. Strange, since he hadn't ended things with Knives, and she was gonna be there as well.
Crash and the Boys open the gig, and put the crowd to sleep. Literally. Sex Bob omb goes on and suddenly, Matthew Patel, the writer of the letters, crashes the gig. The fight with Ramona's seven evil exes commences. But Scott is the best fighter in the province, so even though Matthew Patel has mystical powers, Pilgrim and his entourage, including Knives fights off the first of many battles to come. Pilgrim and Ramona leave via subway and things intensify.
This book was as good as the hype it brought. And it's fucking 6 years old. Published in 2005 by one man band Brian Lee O'Malley through Oni Press, Scoot Pilgrim has taken the comic book world by storm. The series is done now, and I intend to read the other five volumes of WOW! That's pretty much all I can sum this up as folks, FUCKING WOW!
Scott Pilgrim is worthy of a moment in wrestling history equal to something fully changing the face of things and the status quo. The year was 1996, and both Scott Hall and Kevin Nash had been released by the World Wrestling Federation. The two made their way to World Championship Wrestling, where they staged an invasion. And invasion that culminated at that year's Bash at the Beach. Nash and Hall, took on Sting, Luger and Savage with their third man to be revealed. During the course of the match, Hulk Hogan came out, and dropped a leg onto Savage, his friend. Hogan betrayed WCW and made what might be one of the most important promos of all time. "This is the new world order of wrestling brother." I know, I said that anything involving Hogan would never be hardcore, but truth be told, this was possibly the most defining moment in wrestling history of the past twenty years.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Tank Girl 3: A Hardcore Review

In case you're wondering, here's the cover to the project

This series of short stories, sees Tank Girl getting into all sorts of shenanigans with her boyfriend Booga. In the first story Tank Girl and Booga are being tracked by bounty hunters. Booga asks Tank Girl, "What plan should we go with, A, B, C, D or E?" To which Tank Girl quips, "Why plan C of course." Booga can't remember, so he states, "Remind me of what plan C entails." Tank Girl replies as only she can, "Every time you kill someone you have to do a stylish celebrity impersonation."
Shit like this is why, Tank Girl is a beloved character. She's a bonafied indie comic book icon. Possibly even more followed and loved in America than in England where she was created by Jamie Hewlett and Alan Martin.
The plane trip in on a special weekend has Tank Girl blast a hole in the magnificent afro of soccer superstar Kevin Keegan so she can watch the in flight movie. Tank Girl and Booga go to visit Booga's parents where, Booga's dad, who has a strange reaction to cheese, turns into a hairy monster who breaks loose and terrorizes the surrounding countryside. It's revealed that a secret agent posing as Kevin Keegan sedates Booga's pops with a tranq gun.
There's a coupld of short stories, starring Jet Girl, where she tries to rearrange the rocks on a mountainside all the while having heavy artillery fired at her.
Noy much changes for Tank Girl as Booga becomes a messiah of sorts to a legion of brainwashed followers. In this story, the path to enlightenment is attained through gorging yourself on tons of food, without puking until you gain the light. The end sees Booga barf and Tank Girl wake up to having "a strange dream," while sleeping beside some really creepy old dude.
Hijacking a jumping castle in order to escape the massing horde of would be hired guns, Tank Girl, Booga and the operator of the jumping castle bolt from the amusement park. Don't worry, there's tons of boozing, and carousing by "the girl you want." As well as a bitchload of comedy. Yeah, I said bitchload. What the fuck's wrong with my grammar? Nothing, that's what.
For all the talking that Tank Girl does, it make be her quasi lunatic actions that get overlooked. And in keeping with the tradition of the Hardcore Review, and I say tradition very loosely, cause well, if there's anything to be gained from these reviews, it's that there is no real tradition or correlation to be made other than me using as much foul language as possible to describe how much I either loved or hated something. That an the use of wrestling analogies for the grading system. This moment stems from ECW's Anarchy Rulz 2000 where Rob Van Dam, "the Whole Fuckin' Show" attempted to regain, "the title he never lost from the man he never beat (the Sinister Minister)," in Rhino. The end of the match saw Bill Alphonso aide Van Dam, by lining up the steel chair in Rhino's face for the impending Van-Terminator. Well, Van Dam hit the vaunted Van-Terminator, but in mid flight from corner to corner, Rhino pulled diminutive manager Fonzy into the path of fire. Causing Alphonso to be crushed between the steel chair, Rhino and the oncoming 234 pound missile from Battle Creek. Van Dam was then piledriven through a table at ringside and the picked up and gored through a table propped up in the corner. FUCK!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Brat Pack: A Hardcore Review

So, finally I bought a copy of Rick Veitch's Brat Pack. Man, what a mind fuck. When you grew up on shit like The Cosby Show and Family Matters, and read Spider-Man and Superman, to read something that tells the truth of how "heroes" would actually be it kind of sits weird in your stomach. Not bad really, but kind of like when you first heard about Santa Claus. The truth can be tough to take sometimes. And everything isn't just black and white, there's a ton of gray in there too. Just like in Brat Pack, Veitch hit hard with the gray scale. The world we live in today supplies a lot of moral ambiguity. And so does Brat Pack. The Mink is a raging psychotic, repressed homosexual with longings for his sidekick, Chippy. Moon Goddess is a tweaked out, toothless old whore with a serious hatred of all men, except for True Man. Judge Jury is a sociopathic racist, complete with pointy hood and giant gavel. And King Rad, which has to be the worst hero name of the group is a drunk and a pill popper who is also an enabler to his protege. And please don't get me wrong. I loved this book. Reprinted through King Hell in 1992 with reworked art and some script changes by Veitch, Brat Pack really sat about 10 years ahead of its time, much like Watchmen and the Dark Knight Returns were ahead of the curve in 1986.
Things start off pretty bad for the sidekicks in Slumberg. What you perceive as a villainous threat by Doctor Blasphemy in a Mink Mobile car bombing, takes out the four young would be heroes. It is revealed after much maligned ideals, that the sidekicks, affectionately referred to as the Brat Pack, are merely a marketing tool for their adult counterparts. They rarely go out on patrol or fight crime in any capacity, other than helping to instigate a gang rape of Moon Goddess' sidekick, Luna at a football game.
The book wouldn't be complete unless there was a tie in to the original Brat Pack, and that's the original Chippy who somehow survives the bomb blast and in a seriously fucked up form haunts the new Brat Pack and eats pigeons.
Probably my favorite part of the book is when the heroes are getting the sidekicks ready and in a series of quasi double page spreads with each quarter devoted to one hero/sidekick set. It continuously told a story, while telling each hero's warped version. Not unlike the Gospels according to those four guys who all told the same story, just in their own words. You know what I'm talking about. That really famous book that had all those great stories in it. Like, incest, rape, murder, betrayal, war, famine, magic and all sorts of cool stuff. I think they omitted the dragons and dinosaurs though. There's nothing quite like the truth ringing in your ears. And then finally, being able to hear it.
Now, for the grade. The true world of what heroes would be like cannot be graded with just any moment in wrestling history. It has to be a true moment. One that rang in with as much truth as someone in a costume and mask could possibly muster. And the moment I choose is one that rings truer to me than almost any other moment in wrestling history. And the true voice of wrestling, in my very not humble opinion, came when Joey Styles walked off the set of the live taping of Raw in late May 2006, after being pie faced by Jerry Lawler. After the commercial break Lawler called Styles back and apologized. And out came Styles, who ripped Lawler and the WWE a new one. Saying he was hired as an announcer not a Sports Entertainment storyteller. A role he was bumped off of Wrestlemania for. Bumped off Wrestlemania for JR. Who they fired only six months before, and then hired Styles to do his job. He then said he was bumped from Backlash. To which he had some hard feelings. "I'm not good enough to call Backlash?" He said he does what he does for every guy in the back who never wanted to be a "superstar" and wanted to be a wrestler.He called wrestling by himself for five years. No tv sidekicks, no story telling. Calling the matches move for move for half a decade.
Styles would later reveal in an interview with Bill Apter for that he was approached by Vince to do the promo, and he was given full creative license for the wording he used.