Friday the 13th UNCUT; A Hardcore Review

Today I review one of my all-time favorite movies, the original Friday the 13th. This time UNCUT. And what exactly does uncut mean? It means 10 extra seconds of footage that was not in the original theatrical release back in 1980. It means a grizzlier death for the man who is so popular he inspired a game called "Six Degrees of Separation from..." Yup you guessed it. Like so many other people who are now pretty damn famous, some more deserving than others, Kevin Bacon got his big screen start in the original Friday the 13th. And with the uncut version, right after a post sex joint, Bacon gets goozled from under the bed by an arrowhead. It was a great shot of the abilities of Tom Savini, who at one point in his career denounced all the horror special effects he did and said it had been a waste. Then went back on that and started making movies again.
Anyways. For those of you not in the know, the killer in this movie WAS NOT Jason Voorhees. Had Drew Berrymore known this in Scream she'd still be alive today. I saw this first when I was about 12 or 13 and in Junior High. It was a magical time in my life. Being loathed by so many people at school. Even being made the butt of a joke that the entire school knew about, and I didn't. It was fun times. Especially when I would sit in class and remember watching all these horror movies and envision killing a lot of those who surrounded me in equally R rated kinda ways. But why I may ask myself, when but two decades later, they're all saddled with kids and wrinkled and flabby flesh and me, I'm better than ever. Stronger, smarter and tougher than they could ever think of. I think kids really need to go through some hardships in their lives to come to appreciate life more. We have way to many online high schools to avoid having to deal with bullies and shitty class sizes and faculty that are so underpaid they don't give a shit about you and your thoughts for six years of junior and senior high school.
But back to the movie. I watched this at my girlfriend, Christina's place on Friday the 13th with some friends, her brother Ron and her podcast cohort, Matt, who proceeded to entertain us all and scream like a little girl every time someone got killed. And not to mention when Christina's sister knocked on the door, Matt just about lost it. It was great. Eating "Spooky Meaty Chili" and drinking Kilt Lifters while Matt asked what was going to happen next every five minutes was a lot of fun. The fact that he had never seen the movie before made it a blast, cause it's always good to watch horror movies with someone who's never seen it before. The deaths brought out with dvd quality and sound. Kevin Bacon gurgling on his own blood. And then the voice..... "help meeeeee." Ah, I fuckin' love that part. Each time. It's so fucking eerie. "Help Meeeeeeee." And almost completely inaudible from the rain. Then you get to meet the killer. Expecting it to be some massive shape that tears through the camp counselors like cheap linens. But it's not, it's frail little Mrs. Voorhees. All one hundred ten pounds of her. Now in Scream they discerned that there were rules for surviving a scary movie. One of which was you couldn't drink or do drugs, another was you had to remain pure like Laurie Strode in Halloween. However if you watch closely, and listen to the cast and crew commentary, you'll notice sole survivor Alice, not only smokes weed and drinks a few beers during the course of the movie, there is also implications of her having sex with the new owner of Camp Crystal Lake. And when all is said and done, Alice, safe in the canoe in the middle of the lake, safe as can be. Being called to by the Sheriffs on the shore as she wakes from post massacre slumber....
THE TORCH IS PASSED! And wee little Jason Voorhees who would grow up to be a massive king of death, pulls Alice under. The final moments being Alice in the hospital being questioned by the Sheriff, asking her what she remembered. "Strip Monopoly." "What?" "Oh nothing. What about the boy, Jason. The one who pulled me under the water?" Only for the sheriff to look at her blankly and say, "We didn't find any boy." Adrienne King who plays Alice looks at the screen and says, "Than he's still out there....."
This movie holds such a special place in my heart for so many fucked up reasons. And not just fucked up reasons. But really good reasons too. The grade this movie receives is equally old school yet very hardcore in nature. Flair versus Funk in 1989, NWA Clash of the Champions. It started when after his third match in a series with Ricky Steamboat, Funk came into the ring to congratulate Flair. Clad in a tuxedo, as a judge for the match. Funk attacked Flair and then gave him a piledriver through a table. This brought upon an "I Quit" match at the next Clash of the Champions. The two, who may be the two greatest wrestlers in the profession go back and forth in the ring and out on the floor. Funk even piledrivers Flair TWICE. Once in the ring and once on the cold floor or particle board that was covering a hockey rink. After probably fifteen minutes of fighting, a table is brought into play. No one gets put through the table, but both Flair and Funk taste the wood. There was no blood, but plenty of carnage. In the end, Flair works on Funk's legs, who sells like no one else in the business. A Man who was all about business and what was best for the industry. Funk sold the Figure Four for Flair like very few else have done. And after being beaten and chopped, finally achingly shouting, "Yes I quit."