Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: A Hardcore Review *SPOILERS*

I know what you're thinking, "What's he reviewing? The comic, the original cartoon, the live action movies from the 80's, the video games, the toys, or the new line of comics, the new line of toys, or the new all CGI movie from a few years back?" Well, I am reviewing the original, Eastman and Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as collected in First Graphic Novel of the original Mirage series. So with that being straightened out, let's begin, shall we.
The 80's were a decade of overindulgence, in pretty much everything. Neon spandex, cocaine, big hair, eye shadow, Converse All-Stars, cocaine, trippy new wave industrial music, Dire Straits, cocaine, ninjas, teenage driven horror movies and comic books, mutants, AIDS, hyper-sexuality and cocaine. Somewhere along that time frame, Kevin Eastman met Peter Laird, and the two came up with the idea to combine to comic book loving community, which still revolved around the news stands, love of ninjas from Frank Miller's now epic run on Daredevil and teenage mutant phenomenon running rampant over in Claremont and Byrne's X-Men. Throw in a common reptile and you have, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. To think this all hatched in 1983 with Mirage's first issue of TMNT, and by the end of the decade the nation had gone Cowabunga Crazy for the foursome of cold blooded martial arts masters. Hell it not only brought about a hit live action movie, with several in descending order of failure sequels, a really cool cartoon that spawned toys, a cereal and Halloween costumes, but a rabid cult following of kids, teens and young adults that would help carry the torch for the next twenty years.
The story consists of four turtle brothers, mutated by a very familiar accident. An accident involving a runaway truck carrying glowing ooze and a kid rescuing a blind man. However the story goes further than that, with a canister falling off the truck and smashing a glass bowl being held by a little boy. In the glass bowl, four baby turtles. Brothers. Who grew up, and were mentored by a rat named Splinter, who was also transformed by the mutagen. Splinter had studied the art of Ninjitsu while in Japan. He was a pet of ninja master Hamato Yoshi.
I think you know the story from there. Splinter raises the turtles as his own, teaches them the way of the ninja. And sets them out to fight for those who cannot. But even in New York, a group of four foot tall, talking turtles are gonna gain some attention. And it's not a group of reporters seeking interviews. It's street gangs, organized criminals and a growing insurgence of a shadowy ninja clan called the Foot, headed by the next of kin of the man who's brother was killed by splinter's Master Yoshi, Oroku Saki.
The story is a lot faster paced than the original movie, which slowed things down quite a bit. It also changed it, in that there was no brother of Saki, just Saki himself. And Saki gets killed rather quickly. The second story in the collection involves Baxter Stockman and his hot assistant April, and Stockman's Mouser hoards that will rid New York of its rat problem, and rob it blind at the same time.
However this is just the first volume of collected graphic novels by Eastman and Laird. The subsequent collections don't all contain stories with art from the original creators.
After going in different directions with their creative lives, Eastman sold his half of the rights to Laird and went on to write Bodycount with Simon Bisley doing the art chores. Bodycount drew the turtles back to their hyper violent origins complete with stylized renderings of a super hot, buxom April and a savagely 'roided out Casey Jones teaming up with Raphael in a story filled with blood and guts.
Recently Laird has sold the rights to the turtles franchise to Nickelodeon Studios for sixty million dollars. It seems Nick is planning on returning the foursome to their late 80's kid friendly ways with more cartoons like 2007's all cgi animated feature.
A book like the this only comes along a few times in every generation. I was there when it all began. Meaning I was alive, not necessarily reading the reptilian exploits until I reached my thirties. However, I rarely missed an episode of the cartoon and owned several of the toys. I am glad to see the Turtles get their recognition with being around for over a quarter century now. And take their place in the annals of small press comic book history.
The story itself has quirky dialog, and the lettering is confusing. The word balloons are placed in the wrong order at times, making you have to back track a little in order to get the characters to speak in the right sequence. The art, much like The Crow is heavily stylized and dated in such a way with character's hair styles and clothing. But this is not a problem, as I have said, a dated piece is not necessarily a bad thing. It helps conjure up thoughts of that time period, helping you remember the things you loved about being that age. Although a lot of the clothing from the 80 was pretty fucking hideous. The only good thing to come back is the spikey short hair on chicks, leggings and the whole punk look. Back to the story downfalls. The dialog is cheesy. But you have to admit it's not a bad start for two guys who would become legends in the comic book industry. The artwork improves as it always does, or SHOULD, and the characterizations get better. Even though the turtles all look alike, they have distinctive personalities that seem to match the weapons they use.
A fun side note to the history of TMNT. I and my then girlfriend, Jessica almost named Sabu Splinter, because of his uncanny resemblance to the ninja master.
TMNT the original stories sparks a lot of nostalgia for me. In life, not just comics. I mean like I said, I didn't read these original stories until recently, and shame on me for not having done it sooner. And there's a big nostalgia in a young man making a road trip to Madison Square Gardens in the early 80's, while he was still in college to witness a moment that has been talked about, and watched over and over again. Mick Foley regales it best in his book, "Have a Nice Day: A Tale of Blood and Sweatsocks" when he talks about the time he hitch hiked from his college in order to get to the World's Most Famous Arena to watch Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka dive off the top of a steel cage onto a bloodied Don Muraco after the conclusion of their Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship match.