The Quitter; A Hardcore Review

This has been a long fucking time coming. Harvey Pekar's, "The Quitter," another autobiographical look at the life of one Harvey Pekar. After writing a litany of his life, and working with his wife, Joyce Brabner (who will be at this year's San Diego Comic Con)n "Our Cancer Year," Pekar has decided to grace us with his WHOLE life story, up to, and including his run on American Splendor. Pekar delves into his youth, where he was a street fighter at a very young age, to a young man who had an impeccable recall of memory in high school and college.
Pekar takes us through his work in his families grocery, to his stint in the Navy, to his run in college, to the part in his life where we all met him. When he met Robert Crumb, and was enamored with the idea of comic books. But the whole time we feel like we're a part of Harvey's life. Pekar is a spinner of words unmatched by few others.
Obviously, as I have said, "The Quitter," is written by none other than Harvey Pekar. And it is illustrated by the incomparable Dean Haspiel. I purchased this book, when I was still going to a local shop that I had not yet run a foul of (for the comic I work on and supposedly my aggressive sales tactics to the the staff) years ago. And I saw Dean Haspiel at a signing at Isotope Comic Book Lounge back during the weekend of APE Con 2009. Sadly, I did not know about it in advance and did not bring my copy of the book along with me.
Haspiel's artwork rendered in a series of varying styles, brings Pekar's life to, well, life. The visage of a young Pekar rumbling through the streets of Cleveland from his youth through all the times he quit. And that's what makes this book so fucking compelling. Pekar, is just like all of us. He's quit the majority of his jobs, and his thought up futures. All day long we're inundated with the stories of mother fucking LeBron James, who's never once given up on his road to the NBA. But, he did give up on the Cleveland Cavaliers in his quest to become this generation's Michael Jordan. We've been indoctrinated with the visage of Donald Trump, who never gave up on his path to being the 2012 Republican nominee for the presidency. However, he's failed at being a business tycoon, a casino owner, a reality show star and making us believe he has hair. We're all quitters. Whether we admit it or not. Whether we know it or not. And Pekar and Haspiel make it ok to be a quitter.
Pekar is one of my heroes. He's made me a believer. Because of Pekar, I have found a love for the autobiographical comic book, as well as the "slice of life" comic book. And Haspiel has made me love the line work and variation one can scribble in one story. It all makes me feel like what I do is good, and a part of the comic book industry. Pekar gives me strength towards working on my own creations, and allows me to look proudly into the masses and say, "FUCK YOU" to all of those who just don't get it. He makes me realize that not everyone is going to like my work, and I am fine with it. My work, like that of Harvey Pekar's, is not for everyone. And if it was, it would most likely be drivel and tripe for the masses. Sure, it would make more money, but it WOULD SUCK, cause it would be cookie cutter in format and characterization. And I'm not looking to be the next Spider-Man or Batman. As much as there are stories I love, FUCK THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS! FUCK THOSE TIGHTS WEARING DOUCHEBAGS! GADGET HAVING MOTHER FUCKERS! PEKAR DON'T HAVE WEB SHOOTERS! NASH DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING UTILITY BELT. In terms of writing the everyman, Harvey Pekar IS GOD. And that's saying something, cause Pekar is Jewish and I'm an Atheist.
There's little that can compare with this amazing piece of work that encompasses the entire lifetime of a man, not only who I admire, but respect. And Harvey Pekar's, "The Quitter" gets an amazing piece of hardcore wrestling history... the very first Hell in the Cell. At the then World Wrestling Federation's October 1997 pay per view, In Your House: Bad Blood, the then European Champion Shawn Michaels fought the Phenom, The Undertaker in a match that had a massive cage, complete with a top encompass the entire ring. It saw, Shawn Michaels drop an elbow, land Sweet Chin Music, and beat the shit out of a cameraman, all in order to escape the Deadman. Michaels got color and became a veritable Frankenstein in the days following, and went through the Spanish Announce table. In the end, the Deadman, lay dead after taking a Tombstone Piledriver from his "little" brother Kane, who debuted by ripping the door of the Cell off its hinges allowed The Heart Break Kid to gain the pinfall. All while wearing the "Crimson Mask" and being near unconscious.

The Runaways; A Hardcore Review

Essentially this wasn't so much the story of the all girl rock band, The Runaways, so much as it was the story of Joan Jett and Cherie Curie.
While the look of the film was no doubt "spot on," I couldn't stand this movie. Kristen "Twilight" Stewart had NO FUCKING BUSINESS playing Joan Jett. Just cause she's in fucking vogue right now doesn't mean she was the right person to play Joan. And yeah, she looks a little like Jett in the 70's, but to me that AIN'T fucking good enough. The shitty thing, to me, is that she did a good job portraying the first lady of Punk Rock. Kristen Stewart, whether I like it or not is at the very least a decent actress, if not, a really good actress. This role has broken her out of the mold of being Bella, the wishy washy girl from the Twilight saga. And moving out of your comfort zone as an artist is essential for staying fresh and being the best that you can be.
Dakota Fanning plays Cherie Curie, the lead singer of The Runaways. With their meteoric rise to stardom, Curie becomes a drug addict and alcoholic. Fanning, has become a sparkling actress since her debut in "I Am Sam," playing opposite the very retarded Sean Penn.
Alia Shawkat, Pash from Whip It was in this movie, playing Robin. While Rob Zombie's Halloween Laurie Strode, Scout Taylor-Compton played Lita "Kiss Me Deadly" Ford. But the whole movie was spotlighting Joan Jett and her sometimes androgynous relationship with Cherie Curie.
After their Japanese tour, Curie lost it. Began heavily using, and according to the movie, became a Prima donna. While I am a big Joan Jett fan, I don't claim to know shit about the Runaways. God I so wanted to hate this movie. I really really wanted to. But I couldn't. There's little harder to do in this world than admit you were wrong. Not knowing a lot about the group that made acts like P!NK, Kittie, L7 and Bikini Kill possible should make me a fucking historian. But sometimes the best thing isn't to know all the details, but to just appreciate the music and everything it's done.
This flick was interesting to watch. Gave some much needed background on a truly groundbreaking group. And to my shock and awe had some really tremendous acting from someone I didn't think deserved the part, simply cause I felt she was a "flash in the pan" type star. But I have to say, with all sincerity, that The Runaways was a great flick. And thus brings to mind a truly great moment involving, at the time, two of the top workers in wrestling, Triple H and Mick Foley. After Triple H and Stephanie McMahon got "married" they made Mick Foley's life a living hell, including firing him. Upon an announced locker room wide walkout staged by The Rock, Triple H and Steph were forced to reinstate Foley. The Rock also dictated that there would be a tag team main event featuring Degeneration X versus The Rock, The APA and Mick Foley. The end of the match saw The Rock and Farooq and Bradshaw take out The New Age Outlaws and X Pac. Leaving the champ, Triple H and Mick Foley alone, battling it out for bloody supremacy of the ring. In the end, Hunter delivered a "Pedigree" to Foley, putting him through the announce table. As Triple H walked up the ramp, Mick, who's Mankind mask was ripped off during the fight, was bloodied and staring wild eyed at the retreating champion. The moment came the next night, or "officially" on Thursday night Smackdown, when in the ring celebrating his utter defeat of Foley, Triple H declared victory in their war. But out came Mick, in his Mankind outfit from Monday, bloody shirt included. Mick said, after the beating he took a few days before, he wasn't ready to take on the young champion at that Sunday's Royal Rumble pay per view. As he began taking off his mash and tie, he stated, "I'm in no condition to fight you on Sunday..... (Triple H smiles) but I know someone who is.... and I think you know him real well." Tearing open his shirt, he reveals his famous, "Wanted: DEAD" Cactus Jack t-shirt. BANG BANG!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: A Hardcore Review *SPOILERS*

I know what you're thinking, "What's he reviewing? The comic, the original cartoon, the live action movies from the 80's, the video games, the toys, or the new line of comics, the new line of toys, or the new all CGI movie from a few years back?" Well, I am reviewing the original, Eastman and Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as collected in First Graphic Novel of the original Mirage series. So with that being straightened out, let's begin, shall we.
The 80's were a decade of overindulgence, in pretty much everything. Neon spandex, cocaine, big hair, eye shadow, Converse All-Stars, cocaine, trippy new wave industrial music, Dire Straits, cocaine, ninjas, teenage driven horror movies and comic books, mutants, AIDS, hyper-sexuality and cocaine. Somewhere along that time frame, Kevin Eastman met Peter Laird, and the two came up with the idea to combine to comic book loving community, which still revolved around the news stands, love of ninjas from Frank Miller's now epic run on Daredevil and teenage mutant phenomenon running rampant over in Claremont and Byrne's X-Men. Throw in a common reptile and you have, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. To think this all hatched in 1983 with Mirage's first issue of TMNT, and by the end of the decade the nation had gone Cowabunga Crazy for the foursome of cold blooded martial arts masters. Hell it not only brought about a hit live action movie, with several in descending order of failure sequels, a really cool cartoon that spawned toys, a cereal and Halloween costumes, but a rabid cult following of kids, teens and young adults that would help carry the torch for the next twenty years.
The story consists of four turtle brothers, mutated by a very familiar accident. An accident involving a runaway truck carrying glowing ooze and a kid rescuing a blind man. However the story goes further than that, with a canister falling off the truck and smashing a glass bowl being held by a little boy. In the glass bowl, four baby turtles. Brothers. Who grew up, and were mentored by a rat named Splinter, who was also transformed by the mutagen. Splinter had studied the art of Ninjitsu while in Japan. He was a pet of ninja master Hamato Yoshi.
I think you know the story from there. Splinter raises the turtles as his own, teaches them the way of the ninja. And sets them out to fight for those who cannot. But even in New York, a group of four foot tall, talking turtles are gonna gain some attention. And it's not a group of reporters seeking interviews. It's street gangs, organized criminals and a growing insurgence of a shadowy ninja clan called the Foot, headed by the next of kin of the man who's brother was killed by splinter's Master Yoshi, Oroku Saki.
The story is a lot faster paced than the original movie, which slowed things down quite a bit. It also changed it, in that there was no brother of Saki, just Saki himself. And Saki gets killed rather quickly. The second story in the collection involves Baxter Stockman and his hot assistant April, and Stockman's Mouser hoards that will rid New York of its rat problem, and rob it blind at the same time.
However this is just the first volume of collected graphic novels by Eastman and Laird. The subsequent collections don't all contain stories with art from the original creators.
After going in different directions with their creative lives, Eastman sold his half of the rights to Laird and went on to write Bodycount with Simon Bisley doing the art chores. Bodycount drew the turtles back to their hyper violent origins complete with stylized renderings of a super hot, buxom April and a savagely 'roided out Casey Jones teaming up with Raphael in a story filled with blood and guts.
Recently Laird has sold the rights to the turtles franchise to Nickelodeon Studios for sixty million dollars. It seems Nick is planning on returning the foursome to their late 80's kid friendly ways with more cartoons like 2007's all cgi animated feature.
A book like the this only comes along a few times in every generation. I was there when it all began. Meaning I was alive, not necessarily reading the reptilian exploits until I reached my thirties. However, I rarely missed an episode of the cartoon and owned several of the toys. I am glad to see the Turtles get their recognition with being around for over a quarter century now. And take their place in the annals of small press comic book history.
The story itself has quirky dialog, and the lettering is confusing. The word balloons are placed in the wrong order at times, making you have to back track a little in order to get the characters to speak in the right sequence. The art, much like The Crow is heavily stylized and dated in such a way with character's hair styles and clothing. But this is not a problem, as I have said, a dated piece is not necessarily a bad thing. It helps conjure up thoughts of that time period, helping you remember the things you loved about being that age. Although a lot of the clothing from the 80 was pretty fucking hideous. The only good thing to come back is the spikey short hair on chicks, leggings and the whole punk look. Back to the story downfalls. The dialog is cheesy. But you have to admit it's not a bad start for two guys who would become legends in the comic book industry. The artwork improves as it always does, or SHOULD, and the characterizations get better. Even though the turtles all look alike, they have distinctive personalities that seem to match the weapons they use.
A fun side note to the history of TMNT. I and my then girlfriend, Jessica almost named Sabu Splinter, because of his uncanny resemblance to the ninja master.
TMNT the original stories sparks a lot of nostalgia for me. In life, not just comics. I mean like I said, I didn't read these original stories until recently, and shame on me for not having done it sooner. And there's a big nostalgia in a young man making a road trip to Madison Square Gardens in the early 80's, while he was still in college to witness a moment that has been talked about, and watched over and over again. Mick Foley regales it best in his book, "Have a Nice Day: A Tale of Blood and Sweatsocks" when he talks about the time he hitch hiked from his college in order to get to the World's Most Famous Arena to watch Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka dive off the top of a steel cage onto a bloodied Don Muraco after the conclusion of their Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship match.

Body Bags: A Hardcore Review

This Jason Pearson original from the 1990's, published by Dark Horse holds up like few others. Panda is in search of her dad Mack in an effort to join him as a body bagger, or bounty hunter. Mack, otherwise and better known as Clownface is a vicious, monster of a man, who's penchant for the violent and mostly irrational line of thinking in quelled to a degree by his mentor, Pops. After being without him for ten years, Panda hops a plane to Terminus, Georgia to join up with Mack and begin her training as a body bagger.
Obviously, this story is not without some cliches. Although they are really useful in propelling the story. Mack wants little if anything to do with Panda. He made his choice ten years ago and hasn't really looked back. Right before Panda's arrival, Mack and Pops are almost killed in a bombing by a rival body bagger and potential movie star, Janus. But Mack catches up with him and ruins his pretty boy good looks.
The ante is upped when on her plane ride into Terminus, Panda is groped by the son of Antonio Scorsese, obviously some fat cat crime lord. Panda responds in kind by knocking out five of "junior's" teeth and pretty much fucking up his weekend plans. His step mother, Maureen tries to broach the subject with Panda and offer her apologies for "junior's" remarks and busy hands.
Thing is Pops is dying, and he sent for Panda to join Mack. Mack doesn't want his daughter to follow in his footsteps. Not so much for the danger factor as much as the high annoyance factor that Panda brings. She's pretty high profile for being such a pint sized would be killer. And a pain in Mack's ass.
Next up is taking a hit job to get money to try and save Pops. Nothing is easy in the life of a body bagger, not even a tank like Clownface. It was all a setup, and everything that could possibly go wrong does, including losing Pops in the melee.
In the end, Panda and Mack have at it and go toe to toe. Father against daughter. Muscle and years of training against pugnacious ability and a mouth that won't stop. In the aftermath, Panda is left in critical condition with a bullet wound and Mack is left the make the biggest decision of his life.
Things I really liked about this book are the characters. A lot of black people complain that there's not a lot of blacks represented in movies, television, and comic books. Well to those who are complaining, think about this. There are even less representations of Hispanics in those three forms of media. With Body Bags, the two main characters, Mack and Panda are Mexican. But not in a stereotypical way. You might say that Mack abandoning Panda ten years ago is a stereotype of typical Hispanic males not taking responsibility for their children. But this is a totally different case. Mack is a body bagger. He hunts people. That's not really a family type environment, no matter what Duane Chapman might have you believe. Although there is a stereotype involved. That hot Latin temper. As it curses both Panda and Mack.
For years and years follow up stories of Body Bags have been planned. However due to certain personal setbacks, Jason Pearson scrapped plans for the sequel. However, re-releases of Body Bags have been printed, which include the characters appearances in Dark Horse Presents anthology. There was also a one shot comic involving mainly Panda released in 2008. Body Bag fans have been waiting patiently for years now. Hoping and praying for Pearson to release some new adventures of Mack and Panda.
The grade for this long thought dead property is fitting in it's pure hardcore feel and leaving the people clamoring for more. The year was 2001. About six months after ECW went out of business. People hadn't seen Rob Van Dam wrestle in half a year, and they needed their fix. But just as we thought we wouldn't get it. Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer appear on Raw is War helping to set off the "Invasion" angle. Rob set his sights on the Hardcore Championship which was held by Jeff Hardy. The only Alliance member who got a pop, Van Dam went into the Invasion pay per view as the crowd favorite. Hardy and Van Dam went all out, including bringing a ladder into play. In Hardcore rules, falls count anywhere and there are no count outs or DQ's. RVD brought out the steel chair and made Hardy pay by hitting a huge Van Terminator on the stage, sending Jeff tumbling to the floor. In the end, Van Dam placed the Hardcore Title on Hardy's chest, jumped to the top turnbuckle in one catlike motion and let loose the 5 Star Frog Splash for the first time ever on a World Wrestling Federation pay per view. The man known as "Mr. Monday Night" gelled his spot in the WWF and became a mainstay in the minds of wrestling fans who had never done the double thumbs or chanted, "he's the WHOLE FUCKIN' SHOW!" live at a pro wrestling event.

Tek Jansen: A Hardcore Review

The staunch conservative, Stephen Colbert has done it again folks. Managed to entertain us in ways we never thought imaginable. See a lot of right wingers actually think Colbert is for real and that he's doing this spectacular job. Thus further precipitating my hypothesis that conservatives don't actually have a sense of humor. And based on the sheer number of right thinking, bible thumping asstronaughts out there, I'm fucking right.
Tek Jansen is the story of a delusional space captain, based on the likeness and I'm guessing on screen thought process of Colbert, for Comedy Central. During his adventures, Jansen manages to break every unified space law and embargo for his own massive ego and thought of "might makes right." Didn't we recently have another very public figure who felt that way? And I'm pretty sure, he was the reason why people with mental retardation can now accomplish just about anything. Including running multi-billion dollar corporations into the ground; and becoming President and almost taking over the world. Come to think of it, wasn't Napoleon borderline retarded too? Oh well, I digress. Tek, swoons the ladies, be they human, robot or large floating brain in a jar. Jansen can't be stopped in a nicely produced hardcover by John Layman (Chew) and mostly drawn by Robbi Rodriguez. The first chapter was drawn by Scott Chantler. This is probably the most fun I have had reading a comic book in a while. Super great art, and a Don Quixote-like protagonist at the helm of some pretty dangerous weaponry makes for must read comics. And he's not fighting windmills neither. Jansen, after chapter one's debacle, gets busted down to cadet, and has to go back through basic training. During a lecture course on "civil surrender," Jansen calls his instructor a pussy and rips off his face. Jansen then commandeers a ship and kidnaps the cadet class and goes to war with the Antagons. Blasting damn near everything in sight and killing about half of the class. The final portion of this chapter has Jansen promoted back to whatever the fuck he was before, and shows the outcome of the remaining members of Jansen's cadet classmates. Half Killed in Action, the other half presumed dead and or missing.
During the other chapters, Jansen fights his evil, yet still devastatingly handsome, self to a standstill. Although he was on orders to kill himself, as it were.
And during the entire book Jansen has kept his POW and pet, Meangarr in a closely held jar, while the little space automaton shouts degrading, yet comic relief inspired, threats at Tek. In the end, Jansen releases Meangarr unto the cosmos, who immediately threates to rip out his gizzards. But then relents as he too is stricken by Tek's sheer animal magnetism and machismo.
This is definitely a book for humor and sci fi enthusiasts. And anyone who enjoys the Colbert Report is gonna love this book. The sad fact being is that this title came out right as the 2007 Writer's Strike hit and was postponed from the first issue for several months. When it resurfaced, Oni Press and Comedy Central failed to capitalize on its popularity with fans and it seemed to fade into obscurity. But it stands as a testament to the superior human race and that we as a people must conquer all other species, NOT JUST ON THE PLANET, but in the known universe. Hump those fuckers into submission before they hump us.
Bringing to mind, a not very hardcore, but pretty damn funny moment in wrestling history. During the twilight of Mankind's career in the then WWF, Mankind's closest friend, the Rock decided to throw Mick Foley a "this is your life" type party in the middle of the ring. in front of the "DOZENS and dozens" of Mankind's fans, Rock proceeded to bring out significant people from Mick's past including the old lady whose house Mick leaped off of all those years ago. Fondly recalling that episode in his life, Mankind responds, "She had such delicious pie," to the Rock's near vomiting in the middle of the ring. The Rock and Sock Connection, who were two time WWF World Tag Team Champions and both held the WWF Heavyweight Title on multiple occasions, were a contrast in not only styles, but where they came from. Rock was essentially heralded as wrestling royalty, being the son of Rocky Johnson and the grandson of High Chief Peter Maivia. Where as, Mick was this guy who busted his ass through the independent circuit for years and slept in his car during the cold Pittsburgh nights while training with Troy Martin in Dominic DeNucci's school. Although we mostly remember Mick Foley for the loss of body parts, gallons of blood and insane determination he gave this industry, we sometimes forget the great comedy he provided us with later in his career. Here's to you Mick!