Lisa's murderer sentenced to 22 years

Today in a Tucson court room, Paul Beam, the man responsible for murdering my old girlfriend Lisa Marie Berrie on August 12, 2008, was sentenced today to 22 years in prison after taking a plea bargain on second degree murder charges. This same time one year ago, Beam had been convicted of first degree murder, and in February of this year he was sentenced to 25 years to life without the possibility of parole. That was before it was discovered that one of the jurors had lied about her background.
For those of you who have never had the opportunity to be called for jury duty service I will let you know a little bit about the process. First, you cannot serve on a jury if you have ever been convicted of a felony. Unless your rights have been restored. This would include the ability to vote, and own a firearm. During the jury selection process, the judge will ask the prospective jurors questions about their lives, including job backgrounds, children, education and other thing relevant to the trial at hand. In the case of the juror misconduct, the woman lied about being both a victim and an assailant in domestic violence cases. This caused the judge, Clark Munger to order a mistrial. And for Beam to be retried.
I learned last night from Lisa's sister, Suzi, that the sentencing for Lisa's murderer was happening today. Which was a little bit odd, since I was called for jury duty today as well. Although in city court, not federal, which would handle a murder trial and sentencing. And I learned after being dismissed from service, that he had taken a plea bargain, dropping the charge from first degree murder which could carry a life sentence, to second degree murder which would involve significantly less time in prison.
Lisa would be 28 in December this year. Beam is 37 right now. Which means if he gets out prison he will be 59. I say "if" because, according to Suzi, Beam looked as if he had taken some abuse of his own during the past five hundred plus days he has spent locked up. Suzi also mentioned that Beam was chained to a small group of prisoners, all who faced sentencing today, and that the other felons looked disgusted when they heard what he had done.
My only thoughts are that when he gets out, twenty-two years is a long time to think about this. It's a long time to let emotions grow. And a long time to let the proverbial pot boil over. In twenty-two years I may be able to find the strength to forgive him for taking Lisa from this world... then again, probably not.

Remembering Lisa Berrie

I am taking this somewhat valuable time from working on my comic book projects to write what I consider a pretty important blog. A blog that sadly not that many people follow. And a blog that very few people will take to heart. Because two years ago a friend of mine was taken from this earth. Lisa Marie Berrie was just twenty-five years old. She was a mother of two beautiful children. A sister. A daughter and a friend to many.
Lisa was taken from this world and the people who loved her by a careless, thoughtless act of rage by someone who truly deserves all the horrible things that I hope happen to him. She was beaten and then strangled to death by her boyfriend and father of her second child, Paul Beam. As with a lot of "statistics" Lisa was killed, when she made the choice to leave a violent situation. Her bags were packed and at the door. Her car was pulled up to the apartment, as police reports indicated. And her two children were in the next room when she was murdered. It took nearly 15 months before her daughter began to speak again. But Lisa will never speak again. Her voice will never be heard by anybody again. Her beautiful smile will never be seen by human eyes again. And nobody will ever be able to hold her and feel her heart beat again.
Lisa was a quiet young woman with a lot of dreams and aspirations in life, including a college education and a new start. A new life far away from her abuser. Lisa will always be remembered by her friends, her family and her oldest child, Jeremy. Her youngest, Kaitlyn was sadly too young at the time of her mother's murder to remember her. But her son, Jeremy found the strength to face her killer last February and tell the world how angry he was that his little sister has no mommy. He clutched his mother's teddy bear closely when he read aloud his thoughts in the courtroom.
Lisa had the uncanny knack of hooking up with guys who really weren't good for her. Jeremy's father bailed when he found out she was pregnant. And Kaitlyn's father is the one who ultimately took her life. But somewhere in the chaos that was her life, Lisa found me. It was the Summer of 2000, and my right knee had already begun swelling and hurting for what would ultimately become what I thought would be my biggest life changing event. It turns out it was until one October night in 2009. I don't know why I logged onto that website that night. The night after Wonder Woman Day. The week after I got home from APE Con in San Francisco. Her sister contacted me and said she believed I used to know her sister, Lisa. Without thinking I responded in the positive and asked how Lisa was. And then it hit me. The past tense of the statement. I went to Suzi's myspace page and saw with sadness and horror what I had feared since she and I parted ways in 2003. Lisa was gone. A victim of domestic violence. Murdered by the hands of a man who was the father of one of her children.
It's been so long since I last saw her, and for some reason it still seems like yesterday. I can still hear her voice. I can still see her smile. And I still remember her quirky good nature.
No amount of bargaining, or vengeance will bring her back to us. No amount of money raised will make our lives whole again. Nothing can undo that fateful night. But I suppose everything happens for some cosmic reason. Domestic violence wouldn't matter this much to me if it had been someone I didn't know. Life wouldn't seem so fragile if we didn't feel this way about those we loved. And life matters. All life. And nothing will stop me from living my life. Nothing. I will always remember the girl with the big quirky smile who brought so much light to my life that Summer in 2000.

Everyone is somebody's child.
I miss you Lisa. Everyday for every day of the rest of my life.

25 to life for Lisa's murderer

My friend, former girlfriend and one of my first loves was murdered by her boyfriend Paul Beam back in August 2008. She was strangled to death. Thing is, she didn't die right away. The mother fucker called his dad after he did it to try and bail him out. Had he called the ambulance right then she might have lived. She may have survived. Some chance is better than none. And he killed her. Like it was nothing. Because she had enough of his abuse and was going to leave him. With her two children in the next room, he strangled her to death. Bags packed, car parked out front of their apartment, he lost it. He couldn't have been a real man and let her leave. He couldn't have been a real man and gotten help. He chose to take a life. Her life. Not his own.
I think about this every day since the day I found out. I go back to the last time I saw her. When I said I would always be there to protect her. I promised her I would be there. I swore. She's gone. And all I have are memories and a broken promise. She deserved better. She always ran with a tough crowd. And I fucking saw it coming after things ended between us. For six years after I last saw her, I knew this would happen. But I didn't do anything. I didn't reach out. I didn't help. I didn't stop it. That's what heroes are supposed to do. They're supposed to help those who cannot help themselves. They're supposed to fight for what is right. By any means necessary. And now this fucking murderer is gonna get out in less than 25 years. They say 25 to life. But they don't mean it. They let murderers, rapists and child abusers out early and they let petty criminals who used or sold drugs sit in a cell and rot. They're going to let Paul Beam walk in 25 years or less. They'll let him out of jail and he'll be free. Forgiven by the people for what he did. Forgiven because in 25 years, the people will have forgotten about Lisa. They won't remember Jeremy, her son or her daughter Kaitlyn. In twenty-five years, he'll be an old man, pushing 63. In twenty-five years I'll only be 56. I'll be in good shape. And I'll be waiting.
I know Lisa wouldn't want him dead. I can feel it in my gut. But there's something inside me that just broke. Something, at some point that didn't believe in killing a killer. That the death penalty didn't prove anything. But that feeling is gone right now. I don't want rationale thinking. I don't want justice from the court's perspective. I don't want that injustice. I want true justice. I want him to suffer. I want him to cry for his worthless life. I want him to beg and plead. I want his life in my hands. And my fingers wrapped around his throat. I want you to know the pain she knew. I want to instill in you the fear she knew. You better hope the state decides better. You better hope they never let you out. Cause if this hatred grows inside me for twenty-five years, you're never going to want to meet me. You don't deserve life. You don't deserve to draw breath. You don't deserve anything good to happen to you. You deserve the worst we can fathom. You have earned my contempt. And you have garnered my hatred.