Zombieland; A Hardcore Review

I forget if I already reviewed this movie. But you know what? It's my MagogDamn Hardcore Review. So I'll re-review it if I fucking want, and or forgot I already did. Now from the opening credits to the final moments with Tallahassee with Twinkee firmly in hand this movie is a winner.
Rules rules rules. We all have some. We follow some sort of dichotomy that we choose to live by, whether it be laws, rules of nature or things we fucking make up as we go along. We all have them, and you know what? Some are meant to be broken. Sometimes.
So Columbus, who is played by the other Michale Cera, Jesse Eisenberg who recently starred in The Social Network with Justin Timberlake, which I won't pay to see.
Cardio
The Double Tap
Seatbelts
Don't be a hero
Check the back seat
Just a few of the many many rules that Columbus lives by. After the zombie apocalypse Columbus who is a shut in, meets up with Tallahassee, played by the enigmatic Woody Harrelson, is an ass kicking guy with an arsenal or really odd weaponry, a love for Dale Earnhardt or at least the number 3 AND an unquenchable thirst for a Twinkee. Tallahassee sets a new standard when it comes to taking out zombies. There's some new fangled ways of taking those undead flesh cravers out. And I couldn't be happier to watch this new artform take shape.
And the fucking dialog is seriously hilarious. Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick are dialog gods on par with Kevin Smith and myself.
Emma Stone is hot, as always, and not completely without her merits in the Zombieland. I mean you would think, hot chick, pretty fucking useless when it comes to battling the undead. And Abigail Breslin has outgrown being the little chubby girl from Little Miss Sunshine, which is another awesome fucking movie and worthy of a Hardcore Review.
Now things get a little complicated when Tallahassee and Columbus meet Wichita and Little Rock (Stone and Breslin). Cause well Columbus is a bitch and all he wants in life is to meet a girl who he can brush her hair past her ear. And as romantic as that sounds, you're a little bitch who's only survived cause he's been lucky. Sure he does cardio and he has a bunch of rules, but let's face it, Columbus isn't the brightest, toughest or brazen individuals in movie history. I am glad that the lead character isn't this bullshit cliche tough as nails ass kicker. I mean even Tallahassee isn't even all that predictable in this flick. Sure he kicks some serious zombie ass, but he's also driven by Twinkees and uh, finding new and improved ways to dispose of the undead. That and his obsession with Bill Murray. The kill scene with Murray is so fucking funny, even Wichita breaks character and starts laughing. The thing I wonder about is if they really shot in Bill Murray's house. That would be an interesting fact.
The whole Wantin' Your Wampum gift shop scene is AWESOME. "Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying you're a wonderful human being..."
The driving scene in the Hummer after the trashing the gift shop where they're just shooting the shit, is classic. "You don't know who Willie Nelson is?..... Willie Nelson?..." "Yeah. No!" C'mon everyone knows who Willie Nelson is. EVERYONE!
I could go on and on and on about every fucking scene in this flick. But then again, it would be too long and boring after while. I mean I consider myself a really good writer, but rehashing every scene in even the greatest movie would get tedious after a bit.
The whole concept of disguising yourself as a zombie to avoid being attacked is fucking cool. And it's been done in Shaun of the Dead, and some comic books, which is a brilliant idea.
Ok, so for the grade. I go with Steve Corino versus Terry Funk in MLW in a barbed wire "I Quit" match. Bloody as you would expect. And just imaging the single toughest sixty year old EVER kicking the shit out of a thirty something for the MLW Heavyweight Championship. It was pretty brutal. And then of course the Extreme Horsemen come out and take out Funk on behalf of Corino. And the match ends without actually anyone actually saying "I quit," but with Funk wrapped up in barbed wire. Blood, sweat and a lot of ass kicking including Funk piledriving Corino through the ringside table. Fucking brilliant. And the best part was Corino offering Funk to simply say he quit before the match even started and walk away. To which Funk grabs the mike and tells Corino the same thing. Sixty years old, two bad knees and fucked up back and still fearless.