300; A Hardcore Review *SPOILERS*

FINALLY.. after years of owning the graphic novel, I read 300, the tale of a group of Spartans and King Leonidas who take on the Persian army, which numbers in the hundreds of thousands. An army so vast it shakes the ground it marches on. With numbers so massive it drinks the rivers dry. The army of a hundred nations threatens the free states. And Sparta has a reputation, for not taking any shit.
The story opens with a Persian messenger rides into Sparta to appeal to Leonidas to yield to the coming onslaught, with an offering of earth and water. Leonidas warns the Persian that in Sparta, even a messenger is held responsible for the words they speak. The messenger and his small cadre are then forced into a nearly bottomless pit, where they find their earth and water.
After attempting to reason with Ephors and the Oracle, Leonidas is denied his request for an army to take down the advancing Persian army. So, instead, Leonidas goes for a walk with his personal bodyguards consisting of 300 Spartans.
The book is some of Frank Millers most amazing work. Sure he is probably most remembered for The Dark Knight Returns and his seminal creator owned series of graphic novels, Sin City, but I feel that 300 is some of his most beautiful work. Amazingly rendered line work with astonishing colors by Lynn Varley, Miller's personal colorist and former wife.
The battles depicted are so graphic and perfect in nature that the story flows without any gaps or flaws. The identity of Xerxes, the God King who commands the hundred nations of Persia. He demands only that Leonidas kneels before him, and he will be Warlord of all of Greece. The only being Leonidas would answer to, would be Xerxes himself.
Leonidas was approached by fellow Spartan castoff, who was born deformed and was then hidden by his mother and father. Wanting to join the Spartan 300, he was denied due to his inability to protect himself and his Spartan to the left. This man then decided to kill himself, but for unknown reasons failed in his attempt. Found by the Persian army and offered a position, by Xerxes, to lead a faction of his army against Leonidas and the Spartans. This man wanted it all, women, power and most of all the uniform he was denied by Leonidas.
Not easily dissuaded, Leonidas and his diminishing number continue to advance and plan. Easily the best portions of the battles were the wall made of stone, with mortar supplied by the fallen Persians, and the wall made of Persians themselves. The artwork seemed so personal and prophetic in nature. Sitting here thinking about it all, the book just reflects so much history, even though it wasn't based on historical facts. 300 is a book I feel every comic book fan should read. Whether you're a super hero fan or a fan of anything else, you need to read this book. It is a must read in my opinion. The writing and art mesh as well as anything else Frank Miller has ever done. And easily made one of the coolest ancient battle epics that became a killer fucking movie, EVER!
Hopefully, by now, if you've been reading my reviews by now, you know that I don't use thumbs, up or down, stars or letter grades to rate the comics, movies, music and video games I review. Since this The Hardcore Review, I utilize hardcore moments in professional wrestling history to establish my grade. And 300 is fucking hardcore. How hardcore? Well, it goes back to a unification of two wrestlers who wanted to make an impact. Lance Storm and Justin Credible. And another wrestler who was hanging up his boots, in "The Franchise" Shane Douglas. Alongside his valet, Francine, Douglas was making an announcement of his retirement at Crossing the Line 1999. Both Justin and Storm came to ring proclaiming that they themselves would be the one to take up the mantle of "the Franchise." To which, Douglas said, while they were both making waves in ECW, neither of them was a franchise. Tommy Dreamer was the man who was going to fill the shoes of Douglas. To which both Storm and Credible responded in the negative to say the least. Jumping Douglas, forced "The Queen of Extreme" Francine into the middle of the ring, unprotected. Setting up a massive cane shot from Credible, bloodying Francine and knocking her to ground. Sure there had been a ton of violence in ECW. And even quite a bit of violence against women. But I believe this was the first full on cane shot to a woman's face. Censored on the preview for the pay per view, and on Hardcore tv, the only way to see it without the black bar, is to own Crossing the Line 99.

The Spirit; A Hardcore Review

I am going to remind everyone who reads these reviews that the grading system I use is this: instead of thumbs up or stars, I rate on hardcore moments in pro wrestling history. The more hardcore the event, match, promo or moment the more I liked the book, comic, movie or video game I am reviewing. The less hardcore the moment, the more I disliked it. An example would be anything related to Hulk Hogan would be highly NOT recommended. Onto the review...
Wow! I love to write reviews for shit that I don't like. LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER WINNER!
Sorry Eric, but dude, this movie sucked longer and harder than a Peter North porno. For a longtime friend of Will Eisner, it sure seems like Frank Miller didn't actually read any of the source material. This crap came off like Sin City-lite. The Spirit is supposed to have some humor in it, but I couldn't find any. Of course it may have had something to do with seeing this movie with my roommates and it being my Christmas alone without a girlfriend.... Maybe. But it still would have sucked if I had seen it with a girlfriend.
There were a ton of comic book movies in 2008. And this was by far the last one of the year. Figuratively and literally. I really wanted to like this flick, cause it's an Eisner character and it was done by Frank Miller. But I mean there are even things that make me not like P!NK or Fairuza Balk. Mainly cause P!NK wastes her time with shiftless layabout and the adulterous Carey Hart. I used to think, hey at least she's with one of the best moto cross riders out there. But how the fuck do you cheat on P!NK? Like what is your fucking problem. Sure she's in way better shape than you, and probably makes more money and people recognize her when you walk down the street hand in hand, but it's still P!NK.
This movie was like the abortion you should have had but didn't and seventeen years later you're still paying child support on it. This movie was worse than the first Hulk movie. There I said it. And there were no cool exploding CGI heads like in Punisher Warzone. Maybe it was because of Gabriel Macht. Maybe it was because of all the super hotties in the film, fucking up the balance. And maybe it was Samuel L Jackson acting much more gay than he has in any of his previous movies. But it was most likely a shitty script and not so great directing. I dig Frank Miller and all, but here's a piece of advice Frank, "remain in comic books, and nobody will have to get hurt." I would rather watch an entire season of the Real Housewives of Pluto than rewatch this ghastly mistake. I would rather piss glass. I would rather watch Catwoman and then watch Halle Berry's Oscar speech on repeat until I gouged out my eyes with whatever blunt object I could find and then use whatever sharpe objects I could find to pierce my ear drums so I couldn't hear her act anymore.
In short there's about a million things I would rather do than watch this movie again. Comment on this post with your ideas of things I could be doing instead with my valuable time.
In summation: I give this movie the grade it deserves. The 1999 crowning of new WCW World HEavyweight Champion, Mr. Courtney Cox, I mean David Arquette. Say hi to your sister/ brother Alexis for me. you douchebag. I think Vince Russo should be anally raped with porcupines stuffed with equal parts pineapples and pine cones for this piece of shit. I'm sure this incident had absolutely nothing to do with WCW's eventual demise. But I'm sure it didn't slow down the process any either.
This post, although not done in a timely manner was thoroughly fun and made me laugh out loud. So therefore it was a good thing.

Eisner/Miller; A Hardcore Review

Into it holds the idea that we should be fair and balanced and be "nice" and not be damning of a product or its creators. I say this. It would not be truth if I only reviewed things I liked or always in a favorable way. In fact the reviews where I have panned something have brought me the most kudos from readers. And quite simply, if you do not like things to reviewed fairly and in an editorial manner... DON'T FUCKING READ MY REVIEWS! In fact if that's how you feel you should probably never read anything I write... EVAR!
I am going to remind everyone who reads these reviews that the grading system I use is this: instead of thumbs up or stars, I rate on hardcore moments in pro wrestling history. The more hardcore the event, match, promo or moment the more I liked the book, comic, movie or video game I am reviewing. The less hardcore the moment, the more I disliked it. An example would be anything related to Hulk Hogan would be highly NOT recommended. Onto the review...
This was one of the most astounding pieces of comic book history I have ever had the good fortune to pick up and read. I had heard for years about the friendship and respect these two men held for each other. And I had heard about this amazing book which I just recently happened to find amidst the graphic novel section of Bookmans a month or so ago. I immediately tore into this book, which in itself is not a novelization or prose of any kind. This book is the written form of a series of conversations between comic book legend Will Eisner and renegade comics badboy, Frank Miller. Miller and Eisner have been friends for years. Although at some points during this epic conversation you get the feeling they've known each other for their entire lives, and other points maybe only a few days. However, the entirety of this work, makes for one of the most compelling arguments in favor of the comic book industry as a legitimate form of art. And then again it relates back to some of the most harsh moments of creator treatment in the annals of this great industry. Miller vies for the ideal that comic books are a renegade form of entertainment and calls for the continual pushing of limits. While Eisner asks for the continuation of the art of story telling. Ever the master of his craft, Eisner receives constant praise for his contributions to the world of art as a whole and the comic book industry in specific. The idea that two men who are so diverse in their origins and reasoning, could still hold not only each other, but the industry of comics in such high regard marks for so much in our capacity as people, and for our future as creators.
Will Eisner is a classic story teller with some of the greatest attributes of any creative team. Eisner wrote AND drew almost every project he ever worked on, including until his death in January 2005. His last piece of published work was in an issue of Michael Chabon's The Escapist, where the title character runs into Will's legendary creation, The Spirit. His, works of The New York Trilogy and A Contract With God, gave light to the creation of the graphic novel, a new form of outlet for the comic industry. Eisner has never been a fan of the costumed superhero, although The Spirit might say otherwise. Will was a child of the 1930's Great Depression. Story telling took precedence over the "art" of pop and flash. Eisner created the Spirit, adding gloves and a domino mask to fit with the new look of newspaper comic strips were turning into during this era. The character endured even though Will took several hiatus' to work for the Army to draw instructional manuals for the troops and new equipment. But his love brought him back to the 4 color art that he held dear.
Miller brought himself into the industry during the troubling 70's when getting into the business was looked at as an achievement. He began working on Daredevil and brought the character to new heights, by returning him to his human roots, and reviving some third tier Spider-Man characters and making them a menacing lot for the "Man Without Fear." Miller has long expressed a disdain for the costumed do gooder and has always harkened back to the idea of the pulps from the 30's and 40's. His seminal works in his Sin City line is brazzenly his most vicious and also his best (with respect to The Dark Knight Returns). Although, most arguably his most famous work amongst comic book readers is The Dark Knight Returns, which rose from his loathing of the idea that he continued to age, while Bruce Wayne and Batman remained the same age. He, along with Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' Watchmen brought the idea that comics were most definitely NOT just for children and have enjoyed the toying idea of bringing his vision of the Dark Knight to the silver screen.
These two legends of the field show great hope for the future as both regularly attended the SPX (Small Press Expo) in Maryland until Eisner's passing, to see the next crop of potential superstars and their personal passion and creations.
If something as simple as two friends sharing an intimate conversation about their life's work, in the most respectful tones possible, and comic books are an area of interest, then THIS IS the book for you. Eisner/Miller is a deep look at two men, from very different eras of an industry that is both great and very unforgiving. I leave you with this thought. Jack Kirby has long been called, "the king." Well, if Kirby is the king, then Eisner would be God, right?
This book rates one of the most amazing displays of athleticism and shear hardcore hatred and bravado I have ever seen. In 1996 a feud escalated between two men in ECW. One, the fan favorite who already spilled blood on several continents, Sabu, and the brash, egocentric heel, Rob Van Dam. The two had battled several times, with Sabu even extending his hand in a show of respect to the young Van Dam. The boss saw no way to settle this, other than with a match destined to become a classic, "the respect match." The loser having to publicly acknowledge his respect for the winner. Van Dam and Sabu battled back and forth for twenty minutes or more, with Van Dam securing the win with an Super Fisherman's Buster, a fisherman's suplex modified into a brainbuster from the top rope. Sabu was legitimately injured during the match, to which he was brought back to the ring by Paul Heyman so that he could fulfill his contractual obligations as per losing. Sabu, in a feat never repeated during his stay in ECW, spoke on the mic, uttering the single word, "respect" and extended his hand to Van Dam. For a second it appeared that Van Dam would finally shake Sabu's hand. But in his now famous attitude which is his trademark, Van Dam rescinded his hand and said, "Not only do I not respect you. I think you're piece of shit!" This launched the epic feud into the heated annals of ECW history.