Lost Boys The Thirst; A Hardcore Review

What's two fifths of the original and gayer than oiled pecs and waxed legs on Fire Island? Why it's Lost Boys The Thirst of course.
Somebody tell me why Corey Feldman isn't a fucking greeter at WalMart right now?
Thank Eisner that Corey Haim had the good sense to OD before this this cluster fuck of an abortion was made. There were only two good things about this movie, the fact that it had flashbacks to the classic original, AND THAT IT ENDED!
Who the fuck says it does any good to follow current piece of shit pop culture? Apparently, whoever the fuck green lit this flaming bag of dog diarrhea. Sometimes people need to learn that they aren't viable commodities anymore and that they should become just another shadow instead of taking up valuable oxygen and natural resources. I mean Feldman's a Vegan, right? But he still finds it ok to knaw at my brain with his 5'4" caveman self. Just kill yourself already. And the worst part of this piece of tofu slathered shit is that they're gonna make another one. I can only hope like you that Feldman drops dead of being a fucking little bastard with no talent and a nine pack a day voice.
Did you know that Joel "Bat nipples" Schumacher directed the original 80's cult classic The Lost Boys. I mean that movie had it all, four teen heart throbs, Alex Winters from Bill and Ted, that guy who ended up on Thirty Something AND Diane Weist. Plus a kick ass soundtrack. This movie had shitty references to Twilight, the rave scene (do people even rave anymore?) and some seriously ghey vampires. I mean gayer than Robert Pattinson. Well, maybe not THAT GAY.
Who the fuck asked for a third Lost Boys flick? I remember wanting to go on a bloody chainsaw rampage in 08 when at Comic Con International they announced Lost Boys The Tribe. This movie was phenomenally bad. I mean Mystery Science Theater 3000 worthy. Give Feldman a Lifetime Douchebag Achievement Razzie for his continued existence. There's not a lot more I can stomach. Except for the distinct possibility that the cast of Twilight, Feldman and Halle Berry will all be on the next voyage of the Titanic.
How do I grade this fucking dirty bomb of a movie? What moment from wrestling history could I possibly bestow upon this movie that would not encourage people to want to waste the braincells I already martyred for them? How about WCW Sin? The first WCW pay per view of 2001 when Sid Vicious decided after some coercion from the higher ups to try a top rope high flying maneuver and... broke his fucking leg. Not just broke it, that fucker was hanging by a thread. In the process Sid knocked out Scott Steiner in their World Heavyweight Title match.

Let the Right One In; A Hardcore Review

Billed as one of the most original vampire movies ever made, this Swedish flick about a preteen boy with a penchant for being picked on, makes friends with the new girl in his apartment building. The opening sequence was really fucking interesting. Filmed in almost a real choppy way that made this a ultra realistically gritty and fucked up movie.
Isolated and mistreated, 12 year old Oskar takes frequent mini sabbaticals to the courtyard of his apartment complex, where he works on his Rubix Cube and encounters a strange and weird smelling girl. She warns him immediately that she cannot be friends with him and demands to be left alone. So obviously Oskar becomes enamored with this stranger.
The box said it right. This was the most original and more authentic take on modern vampire horror that I have ever seen. Now keep in mind I still have to drunkenly stagger my way through the abortion called the Twilight series to bring you a hardcore review on what may actually be the most realistic take on vampire teen erotica written by a Mormon. But then again don't we all need to reach inward and find our inner preteen girl or uber gay boy side?
Let the Right One In was filmed in such a way that you got more of a feel for the main character, Oskar and his life and less for some completely distorted coven of vampires all living in some massive cave-like tomb. This flick also FINALLY dispels the whole idea of vampires being purely sexual beings. I mean think about it, Kirsten Dunst played a ten year old vampire in Interview With A Vampire from Ann Rice fame back in the 1990's. Even though, by the middle of the movie, she was over a hundred, how sexual can a preteen girl be? And let's try to keep your pedophile minds somewhere other than my blog. And the sheer madness in the attack sequences were done with some really cool CGI effects that flowed seamlessly to me. And remember, I got an Animation degree and have been watching live action/ CGI films since their inception in the late nineties. Plus, the final attack sequence which showed very little in terms of gore and more off screen kills, but plenty of bloody body parts.
Although there is little of a sexual nature to this movie, in terms of bullshit erotica, Let the Right One In holds the mounting tumultuous relationship that buds between Oskar and Eli. And unlike most vampire films, there's no tribe of vampires. No collective. No hunter killer war with werewolves. AND Let the Right One In, even though leaving the door open for a sequel (AND THE IN pre-PRODUCTION AMERICAN VERSION) it comes full circle and has a definitive ending to it.
*Disclaimer!... I am not looking forward to the American remake of this perfectly fine horror movie. Why do American movie producers seek only to remake amazing foreign horror movies instead of coming up with as original ideas as possible. Instead they churn out fucked up remakes of quality Asian horror starring worthless actresses like Sarah Michelle Gellar-Prinze