Wonder WOMEN Day! For Lisa

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I feel a need to make a difference in people's lives.
Back in 2000, I met Lisa Berrie through a mutual friend. Lisa was working at Zia Records and living in a group home type facility down the road from my apartment. However the case, through this encounter, Lisa and I dated for a very short time. She ended up leaving and not returning phone calls or letters, even though she was less than two miles away. Later news, from her younger sister indicates that this was not unusual behavior for Lisa.
I didn't hear from Lisa until a year later when I was going to college, and had just finished treatments for cancer. Lisa had just had Jeremy and during the final days of her pregnancy had gone to El Con Mall to walk with a friend. She saw the Magpies kiosk and inquired if I still worked there. Whoever was working said I did, and that I had just come back from an extensive medical leave for something involving my leg. Lisa remembered that while we were dating that my knee had been killing me and I had limited range of motion in it, due to swelling.
Lisa took this as a means to, when she was on maternity leave, contact me to find out what had happened to me medically. We talked for a while and then we met up once or twice. It was at this time that I had begun the process of becoming interested in another girl, and became super confused as to what I should do. Go with what I knew, as it may not have anything in it relationship wise, or go in a new direction. I chose the new direction and Lisa and I again parted ways.
In 2002, I broke things off with my girlfriend, to see if there was anything left with Lisa. There was not, and I had messed up a relationship in the process. Eventually, I got back together with my girlfriend. Things were going well, when one night I got a phone call. It was Lisa, and she was pretty shaken up. She asked me if I could be her friend and if I could help her out. I told her I wanted to, but due to leaving my girlfriend for her, I could not do it without first talking to my current girlfriend. She understood and I called up Melanie. As Melanie and I talked for about an hour, Melanie noted how I wanted to be a hero. She always supported the ideal and aspect of my personality. Melanie said that a hero doesn't get to choose when to help someone. And that I needed to do this.
I met back up with Lisa and talked to her a few times. For some reason things didn't last for our friendship. There were a lot of factors, including the troubled relationship she was currently in. For some reason, it seemed like this was and later, continued to be the case for Lisa.
In 2003 I got another phone call. It was Lisa. She had just moved into a new apartment and wasn't doing well. She was scared and depressed about the way things were going at work. I went to visit her. Jeremy was just walking and talking. While I was there we talked a little bit, but what I remember the most was that she sang, "You Are My Sunshine," to Jeremy. It was both beautiful and sad at the same time. Hearing the words brought about a vision of isolation and loneliness, while simultaneously having genuine love for her son. I don't think I will ever forget her voice and the words she sang. I told her that I would be her friend and that I would always be there to help her and protect her. I left her apartment and her life for the last time in 2003. I never saw her again.
Through the following years things had moved forward for me. I finished school. Got a job I actually cared about. And started my comic book. But through it all I worried. And I thought about Lisa. The skinny little girl, who took my virginity and had a smile that could light up a room. I thought about how things hadn't worked between us, and wondered why. And I hoped for her to pull herself up and become happier. But for whatever reason, I didn't make an effort to find her. I didn't even try. After all the words and promises, I did nothing. And I went on with my life.
And then one day after I had come home from APE Con in San Francisco. A week I will never forget for the sheer fun I had. Exactly one day after Wonder Woman Day 2009 on October 5, 2009, I checked my comicspace page. I don't know what prompted me to do it, but I did. I had a message for a new friend from a new member named Cunty McTwat. I recognized the name from myspace, but not the picture. I read the enclosed message that simply said, "I believe you used to know my sister, Lisa Berrie." I instinctively responded, "Yes, how is she doing?" and then sent the message. Suddenly I felt my heart sink. I immediately went to Suzi's myspace page and saw when I dreaded for six years... a memorial page for Lisa. Lisa Berrie had been murdered by her boyfriend Paul Beam in August of 2008 when she decided she had enough and decided to leave him. She was severely beaten and then strangled by Beam. And as she lay on the ground, her children in the next room, Paul Beam did the unthinkable. He didn't call for help. He didn't snap out of whatever had caused him to commit this atrocity. No, he called his father, who came, and did nothing to try and help Lisa. His father didn't administer first aid or give Lisa cpr. No, he shrugged his fucking shoulders and called an ambulance. By the time the ambulance had arrived, and gotten Lisa all the way to UMC, which was an hour later, she was pronounce dead.
All my promises. All my words. At that point meant absolutely nothing. I have spoken with a lot of people about my feelings regarding Lisa's murder. One has had a good point of view, and a lot of thoughts on it. One of the reasons I look and seem to be attracted to the underdog, and the people with troubled pasts or fucked up lives is cause in some warped way, I want to try and make atonement for not being there for Lisa. I am realistic about my life. I know there is nothing I can do bring Lisa back. I am not fooling myself into think there's something I can do to bring her back. But maybe, by helping people. Maybe if I help save a life. Somehow, some way, I can make amends for my failure as a friend and failing to keep my promise to her. Maybe somehow Lisa can forgive me for not being there. And I can achieve true penance for my sins.
In trying to do so, I have made up three prints that will be for sale at Wonder Women Day at Charlies Comics on Saturday May 1. I have drawn a picture for the art auction or Grrry in homage to the iconic picture of Rosie "The Riviter," which I feel is one of the most powerful images of women achieving outter strength through their inner strength. The prints will be just $5 each or all three for only $12. And every penny I make off of those prints will in turn be given directly to Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse here in Tucson. With the hope that nothing like this will ever happen to another parent's child, another girl's sister, or another child's mother.
I commemorate Wonder Women Day 2010 to Lisa M. Berrie, the skinny little girl who I met in 2000 who's smile lit up my life. I miss you Lisa

Wonder Women Day 2010 and Free Comic Book Day will be held at Charlies Comics in Tucson, AZ @
5445 East 22nd Street
Tucson, AZ 85711-5453
(520) 320-0279
www.charliescomics.com

the Day is set to benefit Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse
www.emergecenter.org

Please attend this important day. A day of fun, but a day with heart and meaning behind it.