Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Big Lebowski; A hardcore Review

"AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE FUCKING RULES?!"
If the Coen Brothers never made another movie, I would still call them fucking geniuses. When you get the Coen's involved in a movie with an amazing ensemble cast like this, with a movie that makes absolutely no fucking sense and really has no discernible plot, you would think this was gonna be an abortion of Gigli proportions. Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, Julianna Moore, Phillip Seymore Hoffman, John Tuturro and Sam Elliott. This flick has more quotable one liners than a Kevin Smith marathon. And this all starts out with a guy having his rug peed on.
"You flash your piece at me. I'll take it away from you and shove it up you ass and pull the trigger till it goes click."
"Jesus..."
"You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus."
The story of the pacifistic, White Russian drinking, sloppy yet charming Dude. A man so lazy he puts my roommates kid to the test. Jeffrey Lebowski is The Dude, a man who bowls, and writes checks for half & half and get confused for The Big Lebowski, a multi-millionaire philanthropist. Somehow, getting him tangled in a web revolving around The Big Lebowski's wife Bunny, who owes money to pornographer Jackie Treehorn. This movie is a fucking acid trip man. So many fucked up things go on. A fucking great film in so many senses of the word. It's filmed incredibly well. Cinematic in scope. But then again it's the fucking Coen brothers we're talking about.
"Walter, I love you man. But sooner or later you're gonna have to realize your a fucking moron."
One question I have about the "plot" is why would Nihilists be involved in a kidnapping for money? Apparently they believe in money. So the thought is, money IS nothing. The Coen's are teaching up a philosophy lesson as well as entertaining us. And they do entertain. Jeff Bridges proves he is a perfectly able character actor. And then you add in John Goodman who has done nothing BUT play astonishing characters throughout his career. Add in guys like Sam Elliott, Steve Buscemi and John Tuturro in small doses and this movie couldn't get any better.
"You want a toe? I can get you a toe.... I can get you a toe by three o'clock. With nail polish."
It's a movie that would make a great comic book. Slice of life piece with aspirations of Superman-like greatness. This movie is so a part of pop culture that Agnew dresses as The Dude in volume 2 of got crayons? I need to remember this movie for future reference and inspiration for Youth in Asia.
"Shut the fuck up Donnie!"
The grade for this movie is something that was 12 years in the making. A man who had a made a career out of making stars for companies that didn't appreciate him. Companies that used him to make money and promote other wrestlers. This night, in his hometown, in front of a capacity crowd and millions on pay per view, Anarchy Rulz 2000 to be exact. Jerry Lynn had the biggest fucking match of his career. Against the man who ran The Franchise out of ECW. The upstart who caned the Sandman to near death, took his Singapore Cane and forced him to join WCW, and then almost killed Tommy Dreamer. Justin Credible, the young man who threw down his half of the World Tag Team Titles to steal the belt that Tommy Dreamer had just won from Taz. But tonight, the young upstart met his match in the journeyman who was no longer gonna make any more stars. Other than himself. The deck was stacked. As Danny Daniels snuck into the match after H.C. Loc was knocked out during the action. Daniels had been trying to fuck over Lynn for weeks. He fast counted Lynn twice, then after Credible hit Lynn with That's Incredible for like the fifth time, Daniels counted to 2, flipped off Lynn and yelled, "Fuck you!" was about to count three, when the music hit! The long whistle followed by the explosion, and the crowd went ballistic. Out came NEW JACK, who was supposed to ref the match before Justin Credible jumped him the week before. Jack took out Daniels, and then took a couple cane shots from Credible. But Lynn recovered, and hit a cradle Tombstone Piledriver. 1-2-3! And Jerry Lynn had won his first title in North America, the Extreme Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship.
"YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS LARRY?! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS?!"

No comments:

Post a Comment