GLA Misassembled; A Hardcore Review

I have been on an anti Marvel trip for the better part of a few years now, but I picked this trade up at Bookmans the other day, cause I am digging humor comics a lot more recently. And this fuckin' book delivered. A motley group of Z listers from the Marvel universe, who include Mr. Immortal (who can never die), Dinah Soar (a pink Sauron-like chick who speaks in only a way the Mr. Immortal can hear), Doorman (a level 10 teleporter), which means he can teleport people so long as he's standing against the wall of the room you want to go into, Flatman (who is like Reed Richards, only not a scientist and is ALWAYS flat) and Big Bertha who makes all other female superheroes obsolete. She can control her body mass to be bigger than The Blob. BUT the way she gets rid of the excess body mass is equally Z Lister disgusting and totally a bad idea for young girls to read.
The team is on the verge of breaking up when they hear the news of the Avengers enormous battle and disassemblage. They decide that there must be a force against evil and that the Great Lakes Avengers is gonna be that not so insurmountable force. In this story they run across Maelstrom, who had been relegated to shit villain status years ago. However with the recent insurgence of terrible rogues and C level heroes to the main roster of cool, Maelstrom has hit his stride. Gaining the following of Batroc the Leaper and a few other Morts to steal the necessary equipment for his Machine of Doom. I call it the Machine of Doom, cause I don't remember if it had a name, and if it did, I sure as fuck don't remember it.
During the ensuing battle, several members of the GLA are brutally killed, and Mr. Immortal begins seeing the Phantom Rider, who he first saw in his childhood when his parents died or killed themselves of whatever, and he starts wigging out. So a recruitment drive is initiated. And what better city to start in than New York City, cause that's fucking where the whole Marvel Universe takes place (nice work Stan. Way to broaden things). The team hits up pretty much every A Lister in town, and anyone else they can find who has any discernible powers. The duo of Doorman and Flatman come to rest on a park bench in Central Park, in the middle of the fucking NIGHT! Are they insane? And in turn they get mugged. Only to be saved by, wait for it, Squirrel Girl and her squirrel sidekick, Monkey Joe. It seems Squirrel Girl patrols Central Park, although almost no one has ever seen her or heard of her. Thinking that she'll say no anyways the guys ask her to join the ahem, Great Lakes Avengers. TO which she agrees. Go figure.
Then in another battle they run across the Grasshopper, who agrees to join the team and is killed in a record 5.8 seconds afterwards.
Shit happens and weirdness ensues, like Mr. Immortal killing himself three or four times, Big Bertha, who in her secret identity is the most famous super model in Milwaukee, gives up big money and a lucrative future by STAYING in Milwaukee. Not even Laverne and Shirley stayed in Milwaukee. Robin Yount played his entire career with the Brewers and as soon as that was over and he got into the Hall of Fame, probably for sheer number of times he beat his head against a wall and survived, got the fuck out of there after wards. Even Lenny and Squiggy, well I think you get my point. And if you don't it's this, Milwaukee is a shitty place to live, and I've never even been to the airport.
Somehow, Mr. Immortal figures out a way to beat Maelstrom, using Doorman. Go figure. there's a use for more than one of these guys during the four issue mini series. But the way he beats Maelstrom is severely fucked up. I don't even think I would have been able to write something like this. Dan Slott did a great job on this title. But if you'd read his She-Hulk you would know how well he is at Super Hero sitcoms. It just boggles the mind. Anyway, I hope they resurrect this team in an ongoing series or at least some more minis. But alas Marvel is stupid and is making everyone a badguy or an anti-hero. And I resent that. The anti-hero thing is my gig, fuckers.
This book was a train wreck of hilarity and fucked up is the reason for the following grade. As Joey Styles stood in the middle of the ring and announced that since he had no real choice in the matter he would be interviewing "Dancing" Stevie Richards and his sidekick Blue Dust. And out comes Stevie in a bald cap and a cape with his hand outstretched in a claw. He was calling himself Baron Von Stevie and he said, "Do not worry Meanie, I will not hurt you." How Raven came up with these fucked up ideas and then kept a straight face is beyond me. But he did, and they killed each time. And during the interview the bald cap keeps slipping off and Stevie has to keep readjusting it over and over, until finally he just gets tired of it and throws it onto the canvas. The interview itself was a train wreck and made absolutely no sense, but that was the point. And it was one of the funniest moments in ECW history.