Into it holds the idea that we should be fair and balanced and be "nice" and not be damning of a product or its creators. I say this. It would not be truth if I only reviewed things I liked or always in a favorable way. In fact the reviews where I have panned something have brought me the most kudos from readers. And quite simply, if you do not like things to be reviewed fairly and in an editorial manner... DON'T FUCKING READ MY REVIEWS! In fact if that's how you feel you should probably never read anything I write... EVAR!
I am going to remind everyone who reads these reviews that the grading system I use is this: instead of thumbs up or stars, I rate on hardcore moments in pro wrestling history. The more hardcore the event, match, promo or moment the more I liked the book, comic, movie or video game I am reviewing. The less hardcore the moment, the more I disliked it. An example would be anything related to Hulk Hogan would be highly NOT recommended. Onto the review...
First off, several years ago I never thought that Rob Zombie was going to be able to direct horror. People told me he directed his own videos and I was like, "yeah, but those are videos versus a feature length film." Turns out, I was wrong. Zombie pulled out all the FUCKING stops on this one folks. This was quite possibly the most violent and visceral movie I have ever seen. Michael Myers was given a whole new look. Both his mask and himself in the point that he appeared more human than in the last flick. He grunted, he wheezed and he groaned as he stabbed the living shit out of everything in his path. Laurie Strode surely didn't stand a chance this go around. Or did she. Seems Laurie's been having some trouble sleeping for the past year, since Michael originally surfaced. It also seems like she's not quite the balanced and girl next door type of chick you'd want to take home to mommy either.
And Dr. Loomis has gotten all Hollywood and shit too. He takes no responsibility and absolves himself of any wrong doing. Now let's call a spade a spade, Michael was a fucked up little dude when he went to the sanitarium last movie. I dug that they played with his origin. In the originals if you remember he just stabbed his older sister to death and then bam, he was in the institution. What I would like to know is how a kid who's twelve goes from being four foot nothing to a twenty something who's fucking seven feet tall and weighs in at over three hundred pounds. Maybe this is the argument for Rob Zombie being a vegetarian, because of all those steroids in the beef.
This movie had me going on all cylinders, until she showed up. Why does Rob have to put his wife into every fucking project he does. I understand that Michael misses his mommy. You get that with the intro to Loomis in this flick. You get it with the fucking metaphor about White Horse when his mom gives him one in the beginning of the movie. That was it. I don't think you needed to have Sherri Moon Zombie plastered all over this film. I know Rob's in love with her. I can respect that. I know he thinks she's beautiful. Again ditto on the respect. But I think he just played into the lowest common denominator in terms of dumbing things way down for the masses. Now do you want to make a truly terrifying killer? Don't give him a reason for why he's so fucked up. This whole Fruedian mommy complex is so over done it's not even systematic anymore. I mean c'mon. Yeah. Most boys love their moms. Most boys learn early on that their mothers are their ideal of finding true happiness in terms of future love. That's a given. But his mom, was a fucking stripper. Who let herself be mistreated by her piece of shit boyfriend. So why feel compassion for someone like that. His true hatred lay with Laurie Strode, who was his baby sister that everyone said was too cute to be related to him.
I know a lot of people will disagree and say that it had more to do with how in Michael's mind he was bringing his family together by going after Laurie. I mean his mom even told him he was.
Then there's Laurie's interesting group psychosis with Michael. Interesting in that she could see what he saw. She felt what he wanted her to feel. And she began her descent into madness at the very beginning of this movie. The movie wrapped up her insanity at the very end so slyly. I say that jokingly cause there was the fucking horse again, and Sherri Moon Zombie all decked out for a "white wedding." I can justify it once or twice. But throughout the movie he has this dialog with his inner child and his mother. What would have made it more interesting would have been if the visions of his mother were coupled with the massive gunshot wound to her head when she killed herself. I just felt he was pandering too much to the masses. And he obviously felt we were too stupid to pick up on the whole white horse menagerie. I mean it didn't even coincide with him going berserk and stabbing someone to bloody meat chunks. And that was the whole thing that pissed me off with the fucking definition at the beginning of the movie. But it was all made up for with absolutely no naked titties of any kind. WTF? kinda horror movie is that, where there's no titties? You gotta be fucking kidding me!
In the actuality of the massive horrificness of this movie, I mean that visually with all the fucking gusto he put forth with the very hard R he worked for. I am going to give this movie Baptized in Blood from XPW. Their first King of the Deathmatch Tourney in which Supreme ranked, well, supreme. It is bloody goodness for the sake of shock value without the trouble of a pesky plot. Nope, no real need to think for yourself when old Rob Black is on the job. Let's just get a bunch of guys to get massive amounts of color and fall through an almost infinite amount of florescent light tubes and thumb tacks and shit like that.
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