Superman Doomsday: A Hardcore Review

I am going to remind everyone who reads these reviews that the grading system I use is this: instead of thumbs up or stars, I rate on hardcore moments in pro wrestling history. The more hardcore the event, match, promo or moment the more I liked the book, comic, movie or video game I am reviewing. The less hardcore the moment, the more I disliked it. An example would be anything related to Hulk Hogan would be highly NOT recommended. Onto the review...
Into it holds the idea that we should be fair and balanced and be "nice" and not be damning of a product or its creators. I say this. It would not be truth if I only reviewed things I liked or always in a favorable way. In fact the reviews where I have panned something have brought me the most kudos from readers. And quite simply, if you do not like things to reviewed fairly and in an editorial manner... DON'T FUCKING READ MY REVIEWS! In fact if that's how you feel you should probably never read anything I write... EVAR!
Wow! That's about the nicest thing you're gonna get from this reviewer. The animation (as in the movement of characters) was good. But the redesigning of classic characters, Clark/Superman, Lois, Lex and Jimmy Olsen where unexpected and not welcome. In fact they were quite fucking distracting. Why does Kal El suddenly have cheekbones and massive laugh lines? Why does Lois suddenly look like she's Puerto Rican? And why does Jimmy Olsen look like a metrosexual fag? Not that I'm knocking anything ethnic or homosexual. I just want to know, why you took characters that were so solidly defined, visually, and auditorally and FUCK THEM UP?! Plus Lex Luthor's looking more like a chemo patient then he usually looks. And suddenly Mercy isn't a baddass cheuffer and more. And she's not a brunette either.
This movie was wrought with fucking attrocities from the jump. Why would you have "celebrities" come in and voice these iconic sounding characters too. I say "celebrities," cause having Anne Heche do her fucking Bells Palsey voice for Lois and Adam Baldwin do the shittacular voicing of Superman made my asshole pucker for 90 minutes. Adam Baldwin. Jesus, he's like lower on the food chain than Stephen Baldwin. And does Anne Heche always sound like a stroke victim? And who gives a fuck that Buffy's Spike did Lex Luthor's voice. It didn't matter. And if James Marsters, Anne Heche and Adam Baldwin are supposed to be selling points to this movie, then I'm glad I got it at Bookmans and they have a "no hassle return policy." Cause not only should I return this, but I should also burn the dvd with a lighter so it will never play again.
The idea that Doomsday was just from some pre-Christ timeline embedded in the earth, and not from Krypton, and already evolved to his Supes killing form was preposterous. I know. All you fuckers are gonna come out with, but that's too long a story to do in 90 minutes. Well, my answer is simpler than even that. "THEN DON'T DO IT!"
The idea that people come with suggestions that it's not realistic to do that story. I say this. It's a fucking cartoon and if it's easy to do it in a comic book, then it's almost as easy to do it in a cartoon. And I got my degree in animation so don't try and shine away from the issue.
This was a fucking ludicrous idea to even try this storyline if you weren't dedicated to do it right.
And this is another shot I am gonna take. Because as a reviewer I am not out to blow sunshine off anyone's ass or make friends. I am here to give my fucking opinion on the matter at hand. Bruce Timm should be appologizing to everyone who's viewed this movie, much less shelled out their money for it in a capacity where they can't return it. I refuse to appologize for my opinions. However if it is the case that you require an appology to continue this and other aticles, that here you go.... "I'm sorry that you made an inferior product and that you attempted to pass it off as a success or good. I'm also sorry that you the viewer had to see this abortion. And I'm even sorrier that you liked it and might be spiteful of my opinions on the matter at hand. I am a creator and an artist. And it is thusly my responsibility to provoke a response. That's what an artist does. That's what are is. And if you don't understand that or don't accept that, than I am sorry you're a narrow minded FUCK who has no sense of humor and or is unable to accept new ideas. And if that is the case, than I am also sorry you were "elected" president of the United States, Geroge W. Bush.
And with that I will curry my verdict.... err grade for this monumental mistake. This piece of shite garners one of the worst things to ever hit a WWE wrestling ring. And that's saying something. This is Vince McMahon coming up with the gimmick of Nick Dinsmore, and accomplished wrestler being reduced to being retarded on camera. Quite literally. Nick Dinsmore was given the gimmick of being Eric Bischoff's nephew, Eugene, complete with inside out jacket, and perenially having a note pinned to said jacket. Eugene was also given the duty of having "crazy retard strength." Some people might say that developmentally disabled people would be inspired in having themselves represented on screen. I say this, if you're going to have a particular community "represented" in the wrestling business, then have them represent themselves. Hire and train a person with Cognative Disabilty or Down Syndrome play the part. Don't condascend to me and play the lowest common denominator card. Cause all that will do is eventually make people change the channel. The character was given a finally hardcore exit, when at One Night Stand 2006, he was caned to near death by the ECW fan favorite, Sandman.