X-Men Origins: Wolverine; A Hardcore Review

Shhhhhh..........IT! WHat the fuck was this about? Hannibal King is also Wade Wilson, the easiest fucking rip off of Deathstroke the Terminator there has ever been. Man, was Rob Liefeld on one of his Levis Jeans model shoots when he thought up this bag of crap? I'll get back to that abortion later.
Who fucking directed this movie? Cause last thing I saw before the screen said the movies title, was its producers. Of which Hugh Jackman put his twenty bucks into the pot. And I'm guessing they didn't spend all the money on compentent CGI Animators either. What the fuck was up with the sceen in the bathroom? His claws looked 2D and they were floating all over the place.
Hey guys I got a great idea for a Wolverine movie. Let's tell a story about how he got the outfit he wears in the three X-Men movies.
I got another great idea for a Wolverine movie. Let's completely gloss over possibly one of the greatest origin stories of all time in Barry Windsor Smith's opus, Weapon X. And I got another idea too. Let's completely squash the idea of Weapon X and call it something cool like Weapon 10. Yeah cause nothing makes people happier than shitting all over something they've read and trusted and believed like a mucking up continuity like it was a 50 pack of American cheese.
Who wrote this attrocity? Did they just grab a handful of Wolverine origin stories, (Of which there are thousands)[THANKS MARVEL]... and just read the first three pages of each and then say, "yup that should do it." Who the fuck was the Japanese guy supposed to be, Domino? Cause she was one of my favorite characters, fuck Longshot! And everyone is all pissing themselves cause Ryan Reynolds shows up for like ten minutes and does a pretty shitty job of being a believable Deadpool. Oh wait, my bad. He wasn't Deadpool, he was Wade Wilson. Who then eventually becomes Deadpool, and has a ton of fucking powers, which also had nothing to do with Department H or Weapon X. Fuck you Joe Quesadilla. It's Weapon X and if I ever meet up with your tubby ass in an alley one day I'm gonna go Jimmy Palmiotti all over you fat hairy Italian ass.
So the concept of this movie was, tell the comic book world's most overused character's most rediculous origin ever. And do it in an hour and thirty minutes. I'll do you one better. Let's not only do it in an hour and thirty minutes, let's make it FUCKING PG-13, so we can sell fucking action figures and a video game that will be mature rated. Let's not show any blood, especially while Wolverine, sorry Weapon 10, cause he wasn't Wolverine yet, kills what two fucking people on his way out of the Department H compound. Oh and let's make it even better by having him choose a name in the gayest way possible.... by having it relate back to some chick he was fucking who told him some fucking rediculous fucking bedtime story about how the cow jumped over the moon and the cow was actually named wolverine or Mrs. RObinson or some other highly illogical plot point. That and how long were Wolverine and "his brother" Sabretooth actually in this special (as in short bus) program? Cause Vietnam ended in 1972, more or less. And then after Logan leaves the program it's six years later and everyone is wearing Tommy Fucking Hilfiger on Bourbon Street. Given that maybe he was in their little gay group of retarded mutants for a decade, that would still only make the story take place in 1988. I'll give you two or three years and call it the 1990's. SO why did all the vehicles they were driving look like brand newly manufactured 2000+ editions?
Where were your continuity editors? Where were your editors period? What the fuck happend to Wolverine and his shiny Indian Cheif belt buckle. And how come people got instant erections for Ryan Reynolds who already belongs to a different franchise? You people are dumb dumb dumb! Although Liev Shreiber did make a decent Sabretooth, sorry, Victor Creed. Cause where does the Creed name come from if he's really Logan's brother, who is named Logan because that would be his last name. HMmmmmmm. Plot holes that you could drive Peter Jackson's new bago f crap Distric 9 through.
In summation, I give X-Men Origins: Wolverine a pretty gay grade in and of itself. A fifty plus year old man "hulking up" in the middle of the ring while his weight belt holds in his massively muscled gut and his bleached blonde bimbo combo daughter and wife sit at ringside while his son gets ass raped in prison. Ladies and gentlemen, Hulk Hogan!